


can you keep a secret?

by liamnoel



Category: Oasis (Band)
Genre: (starting in chapter 4), Angst, Dirty Talk, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Rough Sex, Sibling Incest, Some Fluff, heavy smut, more specific warnings in chapter notes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-02-08 05:31:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 28,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12857790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liamnoel/pseuds/liamnoel
Summary: Keep on running down that long black road;You'll find sunshine and showers made with love to behold;But can you keep a secret?Can you keep a secret?1981-?





	1. bleeding heart

**Author's Note:**

> helloooo!! its been about a year now since i wrote any gallagher fic (or wrote anything for that matter) but noel's album has been killing me with how gay it is, not to mention liam's (i saw him live and died)
> 
> anyway, i'm on an 8-hour train ride right now and writing like crazy! uploading the first three chapters right now; there will be MANY more to come, because i plan to extend this story into at least 2009, or probably modern day.
> 
> hope yall enjoy this!! feedback appreciated
> 
>  **ch. i:** no warnings, rated G

_The characteristic feature of the shy and secretive Luzon bleeding-heart (Gallicolumba luzonica) is the deep red spot on its breast, which resembles a bleeding wound._

•••

When Liam was nine he went to the zoo with Noel, the first time he can remember going to one. When they leave the house Mam tells Noel to hold Liam's hand so he doesn't get lost. Noel doesn't.

Once they get there Noel keeps going off so he can have a smoke break, every twenty fuckin' minutes, probably; eventually, Liam decides to just go off on his own, leaving Noel on a bench with his head leaned back and his eyes closed.

He spends thirty minutes with his nose pressed against the glass at the bird exhibit. There's only one of them in this display. Bleeding-heart pigeon.

One of a kind.

At first he gasped at the scarlet spreading on the bird's chest, looking around, why wasn't somebody fuckin' helping the bird, he's bleeding out over here-

But it's just the plumage, Liam learns when he overhears a mother explain it to her children next to him. A mother, a father, two sons. The older boy ruffles his brother's hair and says "Look at the bird! Great innit?"

Liam turns his face back to the glass.

(Nine years later he will know without a doubt that he is the bleeding-heart pigeon, and he'll realize that he's going to spend the rest of his life waiting for Noel to rip his heart out of his chest and throw it out a window.)

(Thirty-six years later Noel will call him a "common pigeon", and Liam will curse and throw his phone across the room, because he's not fuckin'  _common_. He's bleeding-heart. One of a kind.)

But for now he just stares and stares at the bird behind the glass and wonders why God would make a living thing that only bleeds and bleeds.

"Liam! What the fuck!"

He turns his head around, expressionless. "What?"

Noel is livid. "Been lookin' for you all over the fuckin' place, Jesus, don't run off like that, you fuckin' idiot! Mam would have my head."

Liam shrugs and looks back at the bird. "Whatever."

"No, not whatever. Not whatever. Stop acting like you're grown-up. Fuckin' do what I say."

He rolls his eyes, hoping Noel's almost done ranting. "You like cigarettes more than you like me."

"Liam- fuckin'- look, let's just go home."

"I wanna see the tigers."

"Fine."

Noel ruffles his hair.

"Don't tell Mam I've been smoking, yeah? Our secret."

"Give us a fiver and I'll think about it."

Later, when they leave to get the train, Noel holds his hand.


	2. broken glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **ch. ii:** no warnings, rated PG

_So many broken children_  
_living in grown bodies_  
_mimicking adult lives_

•••

He stumbles through their bedroom door at 11pm while Noel's listening to The Smiths and smoking a cigarette on his bed.

"I jus' 'ad... me firs' kiss, Noel... well. Me firs' pr'per snog..."

He's grinning and he plops down next to Noel, shaking the bedframe. He's thirteen and he's absolutely wasted.

"Who the fuck got you this drunk, kid? Where were you?"

(Noel doesn't want to admit how worried he is. How much he wants to protect Liam. Not even to himself can he admit it.)

"... Jus' a... fren's 'ouse... oh Noel." He's got the dopiest fucking grin on his face and he reeks of whiskey.

Noel turns his eyes back to his cigarette. "Well, who is she?"

Liam laughs, eyes slipping shut, like it's the funniest thing he's ever heard. "Not... she!"

"What?"

He lays his forehead on Noel's shoulder, still in hysterics. "Think y'meant... who's HE." Exploding in laughter.

Noel doesn't say anything.

His brother, who was just a kid yesterday but apparently thinks he's a man now, scoots up and whispers, "Don' tell any...one... but I liked it." He exhales on Noel's neck. "Don' tell. 't's... our...  _secret_."

He laughs again, nicking the cigarette from Noel's fingers and stumbling back out the same way he came in.

Noel hopes Liam doesn't fall down the stairs. He hopes his hangover doesn't kill him, and he hopes their mother won't kill he himself for letting Liam go out like this, hanging around fucking hooligans, or whatever.

Mostly he hopes Liam is okay. That no one took advantage of him, that he was alright with it. That he knows what he's doing.

A glass breaks downstairs and Noel rushes down, cleans it up, washes Liam's cut hand, sticks on a bandage.

He's still just a child.

 


	3. bedroom for two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **ch. iii:** no warnings, rated R

_What would I know? I’ve only been in a band with him for ten years and known him for 28. I mean, what would I know? I only shared a room with him for 16 years, so don’t ask me – you’d probably know better than I would.  
_ _– Noel Gallagher, 2000_

•••

Noel is twenty-one and he's sleeping with Paul's girlfriend Lisa. He didn't intend for it to happen, really he didn't _–_ but Paul got called into work and Lisa was already there helping Noel clean up dinner and then they were alone and she said she'd always thought he was more fit, and Noel gulped. She said she'd suck him off, he shook his head.

Her tongue traced over her full bottom lip, and she stared at him with blue eyes, and he turned and went up the stairs to his room, and she followed, and – well, here they were.

She sits on the edge of the bed _–_ Liam's bed, not Noel's. He should tell her that, get her on his own. But he can't speak for some reason and now too much time has passed, it would be awkward to say something. He stands there like an idiot while Lisa pulls her shirt over her head.

She's got no bra on and her tits are very small. She lets Noel suck on them, tongue the nipples till they harden and she moans and he puts his hands on her thighs. Her jeans are tight and she's got Adidas on, and she nudges him away while she kicks them off, laying back on the bed.

"C'mon Noel."

Noel stares at her, only half-hard even though she'd been palming his dick through his trousers for a good seven minutes just before. She wants him to fuck her and he doesn't know why he doesn't want it back, but he has to push that out of his mind or he'll start thinking much too hard.

Finally he speaks. "I want your mouth, can you..."

Lisa smiles. "Yeah."

She gestures for him to lean against the headboard, but he can't, he can't, not- not in Liam's bed, God. He's in Liam's bed. His stomach flips.

He pushes himself to the edge of the bed, sitting on it the least he possibly can, so Lisa gets on her knees on the carpet, and Noel feels bad because he knows it's pretty scratchy. But he can't move them to his bed now. She thinks that one's Liam's, and oh God, what a fucking mess.

Lisa goes to pull his jeans and boxers down over his hips, but he stops her. "No, just- just-"

She eyes him, still clearly aroused, but a bit suspicious. "What?"

"Just... here." Noel's hands are shaking and he messes with the button and the zip until he gets his jeans open, and pulls his cock out through the hole in his boxers.

She stares at him. "Okay."

Noel knows he's a fucking weirdo and he feels self-conscious but she's already sucking on the head.

He always closes his eyes in situations like this.

Lisa grasps at his hand and guides it to her head. He winds his fingers into her hair and tries to be as gentle as possible. Her hair is very soft, and so are her lips, and she's good at this, Noel has to admit. But his eyes are closed nonetheless.

Funny thing, that. That he can never have his eyes open when he's with a bird. He always leans his head back and squeezes them closed when he's getting sucked off, or if he's fucking her he turns her around and slides his hands over her arse. He doesn't know why. He can't think about it for very long without feeling a deep anxiety.

(There's always been some sort of confusion when it came to these matters, but he's not  _gay_. He can't be. He must be attracted to women. Right?)

Lisa takes him down her throat to the base and he groans a bit.

"Fuck, God, Li-"

It's at this moment that the bedroom door slams open and then shut again.

"Liam, what the  _fuck_?"

Liam stares at him. He doesn't even glance at Lisa, who's pulling her shirt back on. "Why are you on my bed?"

Noel doesn't answer his question. "Don't you fucking knock?"

His brother kicks his trainers off and lies on his back on Noel's bed. "Put your fucking dick away, man. No one wants to see that."

It's with a jolt that Noel realizes he's harder than he's been all night. He zips his jeans up.

Lisa pulls her shoes on and walks out the door without a word, slamming it behind her. Noel figures it wouldn't be appropriate to follow her, and there are no words he could say that would mean fucking anything. He's still sitting on the edge of Liam's bed and he's still hard.

The only light in the room is the lamp on the table in between their beds. The soft yellow illuminates half of Liam's face and casts a shadow of his long, dark eyelashes onto his cheek. His eyes are closed.

"Nice to finally meet Lisa," Liam mutters. "Seems like a nice girl."

"Shut the fuck up."

"I fucking hate you."

"You're fucked in the head. Honestly. You need professional help."

"At least I'm not fucking my brother's girlfriend." He turns onto his side and stares at Noel, no expression on his face. "Cunt."

There's a moment of silence before Liam asks- again- "Why were you on my bed?"

His voice sounds heavy. Noel still doesn't have an answer. He coughs.

"You can't tell Paul."

Liam laughs sarcastically. "Yeah, man."

"Shut the fuck up. I'm serious. Keep a fucking secret for once."

His brother makes sure he's locked eye contact before he speaks. "I will. If you don't fuckin' do it again. Don't fuck her ever again."

"I didn't fuck her."

"Y'know what I mean, cunt." Still staring. Both of them.

"And why the fuck do you care?"

Liam looks away, just briefly, eyes faltering and mouth opening and closing before opening again. "I fucking  _hated_  seeing you with her." He sounds absolutely devastated. Disappointed. Too honest.

There's nothing Noel can say. He feels like he'll vomit.

"Just get off my bed. I'm going to sleep."

Liam's mood seems to flip abruptly, and he grins. It's malicious but delighted. Taunting. "You want me to get off in your bed?"

"Fuck off. You know what I said."

"You nearly got off in mine."

Noel hates him more intensely than he ever has.

"You can fuck off. You- you're fucking- you're fucking  _unbearable_."

"And you're a cunt. A disgusting one. Getting your rocks off in your little brother's bed. Do you wank off there, too?" He turns over to the wall, finally breaking their eye contact. "Sick fuck."

Noel wants to scream.

Their bedroom door slams for the third time that night.

•••

In the back garden, Noel's hands are shaking as he lights a cigarette.

_Sick fuck._

He wonders what he ever did to fucking deserve this. All of it.

_I fucking hated seeing you with her._

When he goes back inside thirty minutes and four cigarettes later, Liam is on Noel's bed still, on his back, this time shirtless, breathing softly. Asleep. The lamp casts the same glow on his skin as before, and Noel has the thought that it looks just as soft as Lisa's.

He sleeps on the couch.


	4. blue jeans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm honestly in awe because i don't think i've ever written this much in one day in my entire life.
> 
> thanks to these idiot fucking brothers for the inspiration.
> 
> buckle up, because this is where it gets real fucking explicit
> 
>  **ch. iv:** potentially underage (liam is 17); expect all chapters to be NC-17 from here on

****_‘Fucking typical. Every time I want to talk … you fucking blank me.’_  
_'No I don’t.’_  
_'Then fucking talk about it. Now.’_  
_‘Look, Liam, just fuck off and leave me alone.’_  
_‘You telling me to fuck off?’_  
That’s it. Noel quickly stands and walks away. Liam is outraged. He calls after him, ‘That’s it. Walk away! Don’t talk about anything!’  
_– Forever the People (Paolo Hewitt), 1997_

•••

"Can I come over?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I said no."

"I'm coming over."

"Liam."

Liam hangs up the phone, trying not to smile. When it comes to Noel he'll stop at nothing to get his way.

He is seventeen – eighteen in a month and a half – and Noel might think he's the hard man because he finally moved out of their Mam's, but that certainly doesn't make Liam a kid, right.

He's grown up and he wants Noel to know it. Wants Noel to  _feel_  it. Feel...  _him_.

Because a fucking lot has changed for Liam.

Namely, this: Noel has left him. Left him empty in their room, the room that's always been theirs- both of theirs. The way he could hear Noel breathing when he fell asleep first. Having his clothes there in the closet so he could wear them (although Liam had hidden a few of Noel's jumpers and t-shirts under his bed, something to cling onto).

And looking back he knows, regrettably, that he's harbored...  _something_ for Noel, for a while now. Longing. Something he could ignore when Noel was right there.

But now he's gone. And all Liam can think about anymore is  _him_.

It was Noel's fuckin' fault, anyway. Because he dragged his last stupid suitcase down the stairs and Liam stopped him before he went out the front door. Away from him.

He wasn't gonna let himself cry, not a fucking chance. Not in front of his brother. But he wrapped his arms around Noel and Noel hugged him back and Liam couldn't help but twist his fingers into Noel's thin t-shirt. He was pushed back an inch or two. Not far.

"Jesus, Liam, honestly. Grow the fuck up. I'm only going four fucking miles."

And it hit Liam, it really only  _was_  four miles. Not far. He laughed, and then he couldn't stop laughing, and he put his head on Noel's shoulder, laughing against his skin. They were both still holding each other loosely and Liam was so close to Noel's neck that he was practically kissing the skin. He knew Noel was probably freaking out internally, but he's the grown-up, isn't he, he can handle it.

Noel had gripped Liam's hair, firmly but still gently somehow, dragging his head upwards. "You're a bit fucking much sometimes, you know that?"

Liam just stared at him, barely smiling.

And then Noel leaned forward and kissed Liam, like a whisper. Just for a second or two. Not enough. But more than Liam had ever expected to get, at least back then.

He'd kissed him and then he'd pulled at his suitcase, opened the door, and walked away. Liam stood in the window watching him disappear.

So that's where they stand. 

Even today Liam can't get it out of his head, the way Noel had lifted him by his hair. He wonders if Noel likes it rough. He's been wondering a lot of things lately.

He puts his coat on. Buzzing with anticipation. His scalp still tingles now. He's like a fucking kid with a crush, and he knows it, and he's got butterflies in his stomach – fuck, in his whole body, just like every time he sees Noel lately.

They've seen each other plenty of times since Noel moved out, but never alone – not in private, at least. There was always Mam or Paul or one of their mates or... Louise. Who Liam would rather not think about at the moment, thank you very much.

When they were alone Noel always wanted to go out, get out of his flat, be somewhere where there were people looking at them. 

Liam thinks he's a bit of a fucking coward.

He flips his collar up and heads to the train.

•••

"Let me the fuck in."

Silence.

"Noel, I know you're in there, fucker."

Liam's been banging on the door for about three minutes now, but he'll do it as long as it takes. He'll do it till his knuckles are bleeding and his throat is sore, he will.

"Noel, you-"

"Fuck off, Liam!" He sounds very far away.

"Not a chance."

"Liam." He's either gotten louder, or he's closer to the door.

"Let us in, yeah, Noely?"

The door is yanked open. "You don't live here, y'know. You're not my responsibility." Noel doesn't look angry, which is good, but he does look bored. Well, thank God Liam is here to change that.

"Yes I am." He slips past his brother into the flat.

"I'm busy."

Liam raises an eyebrow, looking at the TV, playing some shit movie. Noel's in his fucking pajamas still. What a shit liar. "Yeah, clearly."

"What do you want?"

Liam throws his coat off and stretches his arms above his head, walking towards the kitchen. "Louise home?"

"She's out shopping. She's gonna be back soon. So you should go."

"Liar. She's out of town." He takes a piece of bread from the fridge and shoves it in his mouth.

"Sorry?"

"Heard Mam talking to her on the phone."

Noel sighs and leans against the wall. "Doesn't mean you get to be here."

"Where is she anyway?"

"London. What are you, some kind of private investigator or summat?"

Liam heads towards Noel's bedroom. Noel follows him, of course. "No." He flops down on the bed on his stomach. "I'm your new roommate till Monday."

"Get out of my bed."

"Where else am I supposed to sleep?"

"You're not my fucking missus, get out of the bed." 

Noel sounds a bit angry now. It excites Liam. He turns over onto his back and looks at his brother. "I _could_ be."

"Liam, it's not funny."

"I think it is."

"Well, I don't."

"Maybe it's not funny. Maybe I'm serious." He raises an eyebrow. Challenging.

Noel gulps visibly. "Why are you doing this?"

"Why did you kiss me?"

After a moment of staring at him, Noel leaves the room. When it's clear he's not coming back in, Liam sighs and goes back out to the living room. His brother's sat on the couch, elbows on his knees, head in his hands. Liam sits down next to him.

"Noel."

"You have to stop. You can't, I- I can't-" He cuts himself off, lifting his head and leaning it against the couch. "Please don't tell me you're really doing this."

Liam leans even closer, to whisper in his brother's ear, "I miss you."

"I think you're fucking confused." But Noel makes no effort to shake him off, even when Liam can feel the goosebumps rising on his neck, responding to the breath there.

"I'm not," Liam says as he takes a deep breath and swallows his nerves and closes the distance and kisses at his neck, at the stubble there, the smooth skin. Liam's shaking now, even more than Noel, who gasps audibly.

To be honest, Liam's surprised he hasn't been strangled to death by now.

But Noel's turning his head and they're looking each other in the eyes, closer than they've been since the day he left – since the day they kissed. And Liam must be dreaming because he swears he can see the moment that Noel gives in, not to Liam but to himself. He can fucking  _feel_ it.

So he figures they've had enough chit-chat by now, and he takes another deep breath and leans in to kiss his big brother.

God, it's wonderful. Fucking indescribable. Liam knows he didn't make a mistake. This is what he wanted. This is what he needed. And it seems like Noel needed it too, judging by the way he grasps at the back of Liam's neck, pulling him closer still.

Liam moans against his lips and Noel groans and moves his hands around desperately, like he's starving, touching Liam's shoulders, his jaw, his cheeks. His hair.

All Liam can think is how much he wants it, wants everything. Wants Noel. _Noel, Noel, Noel._ He is everything.

"Noel," Liam whines when his brother breaks their kiss.

"Are you sure about this?" Noel's eyes look melancholy- sad even. Liam can't bear to see him this way. He climbs on top of Noel, straddling his thighs.

"I'm fucking sure."

They kiss again and it's even better. Noel tastes good and he feels good and Liam can feel the heat of his body all over. Connected from head to fucking toe. Noel fucks his mouth with his tongue and Liam's just a moaning fucking mess right now, lips wet, harder than he's ever been in his life.

He starts grinding his hips down as they kiss and feels how Noel is just as hard as him. God, his brain is skipping so far ahead – too far – Noel's cum on his fingers, his on Noel's, his fucking dick hitting the back of Liam's throat. Himself on his back in Noel's bed, Noel's callused hands holding tightly to the backs of his thighs where they're pushed up and apart, the head of his cock slowly opening Liam up more than he's ever been. Taking his virginity, in a way. Noel's gorgeous groans as Liam gets used to it and he thrusts in all the way, over and over, balls slapping against Liam's arse, the way he'd scream at his brother don't stop don't stop please. The way he'd hold Noel close as he came inside him, a bit of himself for Liam to keep.

But that's for later. As soon as possible, but still later. In the here and now Noel slides his hands up under Liam's shirt, rubbing his lower back, his hips. Liam does the same and it's perfect and he thinks he must be the luckiest cunt in Manchester.

He pushes his hips back and forth faster and faster on Noel's lap, riding him like he's a fuckin' mechanical bull. "Oh,  _Liam_ ," Noel moans, and it's the sexiest thing he's ever heard. His hair is hanging in his eyes and his lips are red and just as wet as Liam's own and suddenly he's flipping Liam over, laying on top of him on the narrow couch, their thighs pressed against each others' cocks, denim against denim.

Liam knows he's going to come any minute now, in his pants, trousers on and his dick pulling the material so tight. And so is Noel, and it's fucking alright, it's fucking  _hot_ , really.

"D'you... like it... Noel?"

Noel shakes his head. His eyes are open and Liam could drown in the blue.

He's panting as he gets closer to the edge- "D'you like... me?"

"No," Noel grunts out, and Liam wants to cry but then Noel thrusts harder and harder and he leans down and whispers in Liam's ear.

"I...  _love_  it. And I love...  _you_."

Liam whimpers and can just barely breathe out  _I love you too_  before his body tenses up. Noel kisses him deeply, they're moaning into each others' mouths; Noel goes rigid, and they both come, pressed up against each other, closer than they've ever been.

•••

When Liam wakes up on Saturday, it’s 6am and the summer sunrise is pushing through the blinds, turning the room a pale orange and pink. Noel’s still asleep. Next to him. Liam laughs ‘cos he can’t fucking believe it. They’d fallen asleep together, just in their underwear, though nothing else had happened yesterday, save for a bit of kissing before they turned the lamp off. Liam had fallen asleep first, head on his brother’s shoulder and his arm thrown over Noel’s stomach.

God, he’s got butterflies again just _looking_ at him.

He gets up, stretches, then goes to Noel’s dresser and picks out a soft navy-blue t-shirt, one he always liked to see Noel in. It’s a bit small on him, shows just a sliver of his stomach and back; but if Liam has his fuckin’ way, Noel will be seeing a lot more than that before the weekend is over.

Truth be told, he’s a bit afraid for Noel to wake up. Worries he’ll hate him. That he’ll regret what he did. That he won’t love him anymore.

But his brother probably won’t be up for another four hours, so he pushes it out of his mind.

In the kitchen he grabs a Weetabix bar and then heads out to the living room to watch cartoons. Lights a cigarette, rolls a joint, and hopes everything’s going to be fine.

Like he predicted, it’s 10:17 when a groggy Noel appears from the hallway, still shirtless, hair all messed up.

Liam smiles, he can’t help it. “Sleeping beauty.”

“Mm. How long you been up?”

He can’t help himself from staring at Noel’s chest, his stomach. “6 o’clock.”

“Jesus.” Noel cracks a smile and laughs, finally. “Always the early riser, you are.”

He’s getting turned on just _looking_ at him. Fucking ridiculous but he can’t help it, not after yesterday.

“C’mere.” He’d already rolled a fresh joint for them, holds it up in the air. Weed always makes Noel happier and cuddlier so it’s a sure bet if Liam wants to get to third base today.

“Hold on.” Noel goes back to his bedroom, returning with a shirt on. He sits down, then, not close enough in Liam’s opinion, but that’ll fuckin’ change soon, it will. “Did you take my weed?”

“No,” Liam lies.

“Fucker.” Noel’s smiling because he knows, and it does things to Liam it really shouldn’t. He’s getting harder and harder.

He lights the joint, and by the time it’s down to burning his fingertips he can’t help himself a second longer.

“Noely.”

“Yeah?”

Liam leans in and kisses him without hesitation.

He can feel Noel freeze for a second and can read his thoughts. _I shouldn’t. It’s wrong. He doesn’t want me. He can’t. Fuck. Oh fuck._ Then he’s kissing him back.

The same as yesterday- the same and just as good but better too. Because it feels real. Liam knows he’s not dreaming, because he already woke up. And Noel’s _just_ woken up and the first thing he did was talk to Liam and the second thing he did was kiss him.

Abruptly, Liam decides he has to make a move, he’ll die if he doesn’t, so he reaches down and rubs at Noel’s quickly hardening dick through his boxers.

Noel moans but he also hesitates. “I don’t think you should do that.” But it’s telling that he doesn’t make any attempt to move himself or Liam’s hand.

“ _I_ think we should. I really fucking think we should.” He licks his lips, hoping Noel will get the message.

He clearly doesn’t because he just stares at him. “It’s a bit far. We haven’t- _I_ haven’t- …have you?”

Liam smiles at him but doesn’t answer. Instead, he slides off the couch onto the wood floor.

“Liam-“

“I want you.”

“No you don’t.”

“Yes I _do._ It’s been long enough. Man, you kept me _waiting._ Wanting. Don’t make me wait again.” His hand is still on Noel’s crotch and he slides his fingertips under his boxers, just a bit, and Noel doesn’t stop him, just keeps the eye contact, his mouth open a bit, nearly panting.

Liam grins. “ _You_ want it.”

Silence.

So he pulls down his brother’s pants and gets to work.

First he licks at the skin on his lower stomach, under his belly button, where the treasure trail meets his pubic hair. Noel moans. Not a groan, a moan, the way Liam knew he sounded yesterday. And he knows why. Pure need. Simple.

Accomplishable, apparently. Liam’s not going to take it for fucking granted.

Next he takes Noel’s cock loosely in his hand, holding the base with his thumb and forefinger. And then he leans forward and licks at the head of Noel’s cock, tastes the precum, moans himself. It’s fucking addictive, he thinks, he could do this forever.

Noel winds his hands into Liam’s hair.

Liam hopes he’ll pull it.

He takes the head into his mouth, sucking. Of course he’s fuckin’ done this before. Although if he’s being honest, it was only practice. Practice for Noel. No one else.

(Twenty-two years later he will write a lyric, _You’re all I see / In the afterglow_ , and Andy and Gem don’t say a word but they know it’s about Noel. Liam knows even better how much it is about him. How much it _is_ him.)

Once he starts to lower his lips down the shaft, Noel grips his hair a bit harder; Liam groans as much as he can with a cock in his mouth. His head goes up and down, up and down, just taking half, his big brother’s hand guiding his head with every move.

“Want me to take the whole thing?” He already knows the answer but he wants to hear him say it.

“You-“

“Do you _want_ it.”

“ _Can_ you? I mean- will you be-“

Liam doesn’t answer, just goes right back down, tongue sliding around the edges while his tongue grips Noel’s cock tightly. He goes and goes and thanks God for his not-so-bad gag reflex as he slides deeper and deeper until his lips are against Noel’s pelvis.

He looks up at Noel and it’s all he wanted. More.

His lips open, red because he’d been biting them. Eyes hooded. Eyebrows up just a bit because Noel can’t believe it’s happening. Liam can believe it. How the fuck could Noel turn him down?

Lifting his head up, Liam says – raspy and desperate – “Fuck my mouth.”

Noel doesn’t have a single objection this time. His fingers are still wound tight in his brother’s hair, and he shoves him back down, _making_ him take his cock, down to the base. In and out. Slight gagging noises and it only turns Liam on more. He can’t help it, he reaches into his own briefs and grips his leaking cock, as Noel keeps gripping and gripping and when he raises his eyebrows and mumbles “Haiy” – _hair_ – Noel immediately understands and _pulls_.

Liam could come from this alone, he thinks. It’s so fucking – it’s the best thing, better than any drug, any bird, any music. Well, except the Beatles. He thinks if he had Revolver on while Noel fucked his mouth, coked up and stoned and drunk, he would never leave the room, he’d need to do it forever and ever.

There’s spit and precum all over his face and it’s absolutely _biblical._

(Fifteen years later, he will write a song about himself and Noel, and Noel will be Cain and he will be Abel.)

But he’s not Abel yet. He feels like fucking Jesus at the moment.

Noel is groaning and moaning and gasping and panting and pulling at Liam’s hair and sometimes his left hand reaches down to grab at his brother, at his face and his t-shirt – his _own_ t-shirt – and Liam can tell when he’s about to come. He revels at that. That he knows Noel well enough, and their relationship has changed enough, too, that he knows when he’s _right_ on the edge.

And Liam knows he’ll want to do this with Noel his whole life. He’ll want Noel – want his acceptance, love, approval, till the day he fucking dies.

He considers asking Noel to come on his face but decides against it.

Noel lets out his loudest moan yet, says “ _Fuck,_ that’s good, _Liam-_ yes, fuck-“

And then it’s over, and Noel’s bitter cum is all over Liam’s tongue and the back of his throat.

Slowly, Noel removes his cock from Liam’s mouth, a few drops running over his lips. Liam licks it up and keeps stroking himself till he comes all over his hand, and on a whim, he pulls that hand out of his briefs and holds it up to Noel’s face. It’s probably that he’s just in the afterglow still- _definitely_ , it is- but like he hoped, his brother closes his mouth over Liam’s fingers and swallows down his cum.

Immediately, he jumps back onto the couch and kisses Noel as hard as he can, the taste of both of their cum mixing in their mouths, saliva still dripping down Liam’s chin. Noel looks gorgeous, sweat shining on his forehead. Fucked-out and blissful.

But then the euphoria fades for Noel and he sighs.

“I can’t believe we just did that.”

Liam rolls his eyes. “You loved it. You did. I heard you, I saw you.”

“I… _can’t_.”

“Yes you fucking can.” Liam is getting a bit worried now. He can’t lose him, can’t lose this, not after only two fucking days, not after Noel’s not even fucked him yet. He can’t lose this _ever._

“And if someone finds out, Liam. What would you fucking do then? I’d be a rapist, a pervert, and you’d be – you’d be some kind of _victim,_ or worse, a whore, who wanted it-”

“No. No. Don’t say that.”

“But what if-” Noel’s face is anguished and it’s at this moment that Liam knows that his brother loves him, needs him, just as much as he himself does.

“No one’s gonna find out, Noel.” Liam looks him in the eyes, blue meeting blue. “This is _ours._ ”

He knows Noel won’t accept it that quickly, but he acquiesces, kisses Liam on the lips, pulls his head to his chest, strokes his hair.

Liam will take what he can get.

•••

Today is their last day together, in this little heaven they’ve somehow built for themselves, and Liam doesn’t want to acknowledge it.

He won’t get to sleep with Noel tonight. He won’t get off with him tomorrow, or the day after that, or for however long it is till Louise leaves town again. Maybe longer. Maybe however long Noel makes him wait for it.

They had slept together again, naked, stroking each other off before they fell asleep. Licking up each other’s cum. God, Noel had said he didn’t believe it was happening, and Liam had thought he _did_ believe it, but he really doesn’t. It’s a dream, it’s a fucking dream, he hasn’t left the house in days and neither has Noel. He’s spent two days in a bubble, coming at the hand of his brother. Making him come.

It’s fucking wrong.

Liam can’t find it in himself to care.

But he knows Noel isn’t like him, can’t shrug it off that easy. He’ll probably think it’s wrong for the rest of his life.

Today he sleeps in later because they stayed up late last night. When he wakes up, it’s already light out, and Noel is looking at him. Stringing his fingers through his hair.

“Hello.” He’s smiling and it’s brighter than the sun.

“I love you.”

“Yeah, you do. Clearly.”

“Noel, I’m _serious._ ”

Noel seems to hesitate but he’s still smiling. “Do you regret it?”

“ _Fuck_ no.”

“Alright.” Still smiling.

He gets up then, headed to the bathroom to take a piss, and Liam sinks into the mattress.

Heaven is Noel Gallagher’s bed.

They get dressed and go out to the living room and Liam puts on side 2 of The Stone Roses and drops the needle on This is the One.

_It’s us._

“It’s us, Noel.”

He seems distracted. “Yeah.”

They watch an old tape of Man City winning the league and it’s almost like they’re just brothers again; although they do cuddle the whole time, and eventually the tape ends and Liam’s head is laid in Noel’s lap.

“Do _you_ regret it?”

Noel just leans down and kisses him.

Liam spends the rest of the day listening to Noel play guitar, watching him mess around with chords and change up lyrics till he’s content with them.

And then it’s ten o’clock and it’s dark out and the need rises inside him again.

“Noel,” he groans.

No response. He can hear him breathing.

“ _Noel_.”

“What?” He finally turns towards him.

And Liam simply gets up and walks to the bedroom, not even glancing behind him. He discards his shirt and jeans along the way and makes himself comfortable on the unmade bed and he knows he’s jumping the gun, really fucking is, that there should be some sort of preamble or foreplay, but there’s just not _time_ for that anymore. He’s gonna be kicked out by fucking midnight, because his cunt of a brother has to go back to being the man of the house, and there’s no room for Liam here.

Noel is in the doorway now.

“What is this?”

“Fuck me.”

He laughs incredulously. “You’re fucking joking.”

“Not joking.” He sits up on his elbows and licks his lips.

“Liam, _what_ -”

“I said _fuck_ me. What part of that don’t you fucking understand, twat?”

He can see the cogs turning, sees him considering the pros and cons – _that’s my brother- but I love him. But not like that- well,_ yes, _like that. You’ve got a girlfriend- but you’ve cheated on her already. This is our last day together, and-_

Without a word he strides over, pulls his shirt off, and lies on top of Liam. He wastes no time in kissing him before speaking against his lips.

“I need to know you’re alright with this.”

Liam can barely fucking believe it. He thinks he might be holding his breath but he’s not really in his body at the moment.

“I am!”

“It’s gonna fucking hurt.”

“I know.”

Noel stares into his eyes. Like he’s trying to figure him out. _If only he could. If only he could know exactly what I want._

“Like, _really_ hurt.”

“Friend of mine told me there’s a spot inside that makes it all worth it.”

(His brother’s never slept with a man before now, but he knows about that spot, too.)

He doesn’t say anything. Just breathes against his face.

Liam sighs. “I don’ care about the pain, I want the pain. Want it if it means I get _you_.”

There’s no time to waste so Noel gets the lube out of the bedside drawer and lets Liam undress him – Liam, who gasps as he sees _all_ of Noel’s skin, more than he’s been allowed since they were children. Well, they’re not children anymore. Noel’s skin is pale and soft and gorgeous and his cock is already thick and hard – for _Liam_ and no one else – and his eyes are pleading.

He spreads the lube on Noel’s cock, licking his lips, looking him in the eyes while he does it. He wants to be a fucking tease. In all his encounters with girls he was the one controlling the situation, the one doing the fucking; now it’s completely different, this weekend has made it completely different, and it’s new. It’s good. Because it’s Noel.

He wouldn’t do this for any other fucker.

Noel pulls off Liam’s briefs, and Liam sees him swallow as his cock is exposed. He’s never seen him like this before. He seems amazed; curious, shocked, senseless, and aroused. He wraps his fingers around it and Liam groans.

“Yeah, that’s good. Please.”

He stops abruptly. “Please what?”

“Please _anything._ Fucking… fucking touch me, you cunt.”

“What, touch you here?” Liam’s mouth falls open and his eyes close as Noel rubs two fingers around his hole. No one’s touched him there before, and he’s fucking glad Noel is the first. No one else deserves it.

“Yeah. C’mon.”

“Beg for it.”

Well, fuck. He always knew Noel was a kinky fucker. But he won’t beg for no one.

“Just _do_ it, fuck.”

“You heard me, didn’t you?” Noel keeps circling his fingers around and around. “ _Beg_.”

Liam considers it, considers how he might never get to fuck his brother if he doesn’t do what he says. It’s fine. He’s trying to save face but he knows, deep down, that he’s not above begging, as long as it’s for Noel. He remembers how big and rigid his cock was yesterday, making him gag in the most amazing way, and all the walls fall. He needs it inside.

“ _Please_ , Noel, fuck me, please… Need…”

Noel’s fingers are slick with lube and he pushes one inside.

“Ohhh…”

“Does it hurt?”

“Yeah… well… feels weird.”

He shoves the finger farther, curling it upwards, and Liam moans louder than he’d’ve liked to.

“There, there, yes, yes…”

“You like that, don’t you?”

Liam is fucking elated that Noel’s finally caught on to how much he likes dirty talk.

“Mmm…”

“Tell me.” He pulls the finger out and goes back to just circling and Liam feels empty.

“Noel…” Liam closes his eyes because somehow it’s humiliating, even after how vulnerable he’s already made himself. “Please. I need it.”

That seems to do it because there’s two fingers inside him now, before he even has time to process it, and they’re pushing against the perfect spot inside him, whatever it is. He’s panting and begging just like Noel wanted him to and he can’t even hear himself ‘cos his entire body is buzzing and his ears are ringing and Noel’s sucking on his neck, surely leaving bruises.

“ _Fuck_ me already.”

“Hmm… don’t think you’re ready yet.” Noel smiles, big, radiant, but Liam’s too turned on to appreciate it.

“I’m fucking ready, cunt, get inside me.”

“As you wish, my prince.”

Liam could just melt.

His brother spreads his arse open and then the head of his cock is there, pressed against him where even his skin begs for Noel to push inside. It’s wet and too stimulating and Liam prays he’ll just do it as fast as possible.

And just like that, his wish is granted. Noel starts pushing forward, slowly. It hurts, _fuck_ , it hurts, and Liam wonders how anyone can do this all the time. Fuck. He’d better get used to it, because he knows he’s _going_ to want it all the time from now on.

The pain is subsiding. Noel’s halfway in and he stills himself.

“Okay?”

Liam smiles at his concern. “Yeah, man.”

“Don’t wanna hurt you.”

“You _won’t_. Just… go.”

“You ready?”

“Yeah. Fuck me.”

Suddenly it’s happening and it’s what Liam wanted for so, so long and the head of Noel’s cock hits _that spot_ and Liam can’t help but moan. He’s probably being too loud but Noel seems to love it so it’s fuckin’ okay.

He feels skin against his arse and realizes that means Noel’s all the way inside him.

“Noel.”

Noel pulls out, pushes back in, and his pelvis is right back against Liam. God, it still burns just a bit but it’s starting to feel real fucking good.

“Liam.” He smiles down at him.

“Knew you wanted me… always knew.” Liam can hear his own voice as if it’s someone else and he sounds like he’s laughing and crying at the same time.

Noel, real, _there,_ on top of him, thrusting in and out, again. Slowly. _Too_ slowly.

“Never thought you’d beg like this. You play the hard man, out with your friends, boozing, pulling birds, playing football.”

Liam turns his head and groans. God, he’s spread so wide open, he feels like it’s not just his arse but his chest, his heart, his head, his mind – his soul.

“But really… you’re a little slut, aren’t you.”

No, he’s not.

“Please, _more…_ ”

Well.

Maybe he is.

“A slut for me, only, yeah?” Noel pulls his cock out, a bit faster, shoves it in and grinds down. “Aren’t you?”

And Liam knows that he’s giving in, fuck, he’s giving it all up, this is his life now.

“Only you…”

“That’s fucking right. You’re _mine._ ”

Liam cries out as Noel starts _really_ fucking him. Breaking him open, taking him, taking everything he is and everything he wants and everything he’s ever going to be because at the end of the day, it’s true. He’s Noel’s, terribly and willingly and forbidden and wrong and so fucking _right._

The pain is gone now, it’s just pleasure- whatever’s inside him is treating him nicely, saying _Enjoy it, you deserve it. You deserve him._ Of course he does. He’s waited long enough.

He wraps his legs around Noel’s waist, opening his eyes to see his brother gazing at him, more longing in his eyes than Liam’s ever seen before. And God, all he can think is, this is really happening. Someone up above is looking out for him, even if they’re breaking every rule on Earth; because they’re not on Earth, they’re in heaven – heaven is Noel’s bed, has to be – and they’re both angels and he’s fucking getting what he wants. Grow up poor in a tiny house with a shit father and a mother who burns herself out just to take care of her sons. Grow up with an inherently brash attitude, telling every dickhead at school off, getting his arse beat for the things he says, black eyes, split lips. Grow up with a brother who was always just barely out of reach, who wouldn’t look at him. Until now. Now he’s blessed. Liberated. Now he’s cashing in his karma.

He wonders if they’ll still fight like before, yelling at each other louder than anyone else would, like brothers.

Probably.

But not now.

Noel pulls his hair. “Mine.”

“Mmmmmm…”

“ _Mine._ Say it.”

“Yours, Noel, yours…”

“Yeah, you are. Don’t forget it.”

“You’re mine too, you are… you are… I…”

He puts his hand on Liam’s cheek. “Yes.”

Godlike.

The way is smooth now, Liam’s opened up for Noel, and Noel’s rubbing his dick, fingers around it and then his palm over the head, precum dripping all over his stomach – and Noel’s precum getting pushed in and out every time he thrusts. _He’s clearly fucking enjoying this._

He never got many birds, Noel, and Liam secretly thinks he doesn’t even like girls, really. He’s accepted at this point in his life that he would fuck men, women, whoever- but Noel’s fucking gay.

And his passion is turned up to eleven. His eyes switch back and forth back and forth from open, staring right into his soul, to closed, head thrown back in ecstasy. Like he can’t live without Liam. _Let it be true. Please._

“Harder.”

Noel listens and pounds into him. Fuck, his arse will be sore after- but it’s worth it.

This is their last day together.

_Don’t think about it now. Be here now. With him. Him inside you. Him all around you._

“ _God_ , Liam, you take my cock so well.”

He gasps, knowing he’s getting closer and closer and closer and he wants to come with Noel inside him, tries to push it off for a second so he can listen to the dirty words he’s spitting out.

“Never thought you’d be like this.”

“Fuck, Noel.”

“You go around fucking birds but you’ll never feel this good with them.”

Liam hates it but Noel’s fucking right. He’s reading Liam’s mind; he knows him better than anyone, better than anyone ever will.

“So _close,_ Noel, _fuck…_ ”

“I know. I can feel you.”

He can feel him.

“No one’s ever felt you like this. And you won’t ever let anyone else.”

God, but Noel’s possessive. It would be disturbing if Liam didn’t feel the exact same way.

Noel pushes his hand down on Liam’s stomach, under the ribcage, briefly taking his breath away. “Tell me. You won’t let anyone else fuck you, will you?”

“ _No._ ”

“You wanna come, don’t you?”

“Noel, _please…_ ”

He smiles down at him. His fingers are going to leave bruises on Liam’s thighs. “You’ve been a good boy…”

_Yes, I have._

“…guess I’ll let you come, then, yeah?”

Liam never thought he’d want someone else to take control, rip it out of his hands and dangle it over his head, but it’s fucking _right,_ at least right now, at least here. He’s sure it won’t be like this all the time, that he’ll want to jump up and grab that control back sometimes. A lot of the time. But now –

_Be in the fucking moment._

Noel grips his cock and strokes up and down, up and down, and Liam is moaning, and Noel’s still thrusting, keeping him open wide, and Liam is crying out, _Noel, Noel, Noel,_ and then he’s coming harder than he’s ever before and it’s all over Noel’s hand and Liam’s stomach and his arse is clenching around his brother’s cock and Noel’s rubbing his cum into his stomach and then squeezing his hips and fucking him harder and faster.

“Want it inside you? You do, don’t you?”

“Y…eah…”

And so he does it. Noel comes inside his brother, finally, and he moans and kisses him deep, pushing his tongue in, pushing his cock in, spasming as he lets go inside of Liam.

When he pulls out Liam groans quietly. Noel is resting on his chest and stroking his hair and there’s still cum all over his hands and fuck, he never thought he’d do anything so fucking gay, but here he is.

His legs have collapsed and there’s cum dripping out of him and sticking to the inside of his thighs. God.

_A slut for me only, yeah?_

Fuckin’ _yeah._

Liam never thought they’d get this far.

He knows Noel will regret it tomorrow, knows he’ll probably fucking wake up in the middle of the night and look at himself in the bathroom mirror under the bright light and wonder how he let himself fuck his little brother, while Liam sleeps peacefully on Noel’s light blue sheets, sated and satisfied.

Noel will wonder how he let himself open his soul so wide, spill his secrets out.

(He’s got secrets inside, still, though. Some Liam will learn in the coming years, while they fuck, while they play music, while they write, while they fight; some will never see the light of day.)

But now it’s the fucking _afterglow,_ Liam thinks, streetlights shining orange inside the window, noise from the cars outside, just the two of them, alone in the city centre.

His brother turns to lay on his side, and Liam curls against him, breathing against his chest, exhausted. He falls asleep with stars and supernovas still painting the back of his eyelids.

•••

“Liam.”

Too fucking early. Who the fuck is trying to wake him.

“Liam, lazy cunt, get up.”

Oh. Noel.

_Noel._

“Fuck, Liam, _now._ ”

“Mmm… what time’s it…”

“Time for you to go.”

No.

No.

_Noel._

“What?”

“Louise is coming home, fucking get dressed, it’s time for you to go.”

He should’ve known it would be like this.

“Fine, fucking fine, you fucking- lunatic. Cunt.”

“Great. Love to hear that, Liam, I really do.” Noel’s standing at the foot of the bed, arms crossed. “You weren’t even supposed to sleep here last night, you’re overdue for a departure. Fucking lucky I didn’t kick you out onto the stoop.”

Liam shuts his eyes as hard as he can, because this isn’t heaven anymore. He doesn’t want this Noel. He wants the Noel from last night, the Noel who practically told him he owned him. The Noel who came inside him and held him and fell asleep right there with all their sweaty skin pressed together.

“I said _fine._ ” He gets up, pulling on his briefs, his jeans, Noel’s t-shirt.

“Hurry the fuck up.”

He glares at Noel.

“You’re fucking evil, you are.”

“Yes, I am, sure, whatever, Liam. Would you get out already? Please? She’s fucking off the train, she’s going to be here any second.”

“You’re a fucking cunt.”

Liam slides his trainers on and slams the door behind him.

His head hurts and so does his heart.

But he knows he shouldn’t have expected anything else.

•••

He’s home alone, watching the match, when the phone rings.

“Hello?”

“Liam?”

It’s Noel.

“What do you fucking want? Calling to beg for me again?”

“Shut up, it’s fucking important.”

“Yeah, I bet.” Liam rolls his eyes and chews on his thumbnail.

“Listen to me, fucking listen.”

“What?”

“I’m going away.”

Liam’s stomach drops.

“Away, what- what d’you mean?”

“With the Carpets.”

“So what, you’re lifting gear all over England, fucking congratulations, little roadie.”

“No.”

No?

Liam doesn’t say anything. He hears Noel breathing on the other end.

“World tour. America, Japan, Argentina- fucking- all of it.”

_No._

“You’re- _why?_ ”

“Why? Because it’s my fucking job. You’re an idiot. Stupid fucking question.”

“Fuck you. You can’t leave.”

“Yes, I fucking can.” He can picture Noel’s face right now, jaw set, eyes icy. Cold. Unfeeling.

Liam’s world was perfect but now it seems to just keep shattering.

God must be punishing him.

_Maybe Noel’s going just to get away from him._

“Just because you fucked me doesn’t mean you need to run away. If you recall-“

“Shut the _fuck_ up, Liam.”

“No! I fucking loved it, _you_ fucking loved it, you-”

“It’s going to be a fucking dream to get away from you for a year.”

_Fuck. No._

“A- a… year?”

“Yes, genius, a year. Twelve months? Ever heard of it?”

“What- what about my birthday?”

“Go out with your mates.”

His heart is beating too fast and he feels queasy. “What about City matches? What about- what about- fucking, what about-”

“Shut up. I already told you I’m leaving.”

Liam fucking hates the way he’s speaking. It’s his least favorite Noel of all. And while he’s digesting the words, the whole fucking conversation, his heart sinks into his stomach with a horrible realization.

“How long have you known?” He can’t even help himself from sounding depressed, because he knows the answer.

“What?”

“How… how _long_ have you _known_. That you’re going away.”

“I have to get off the phone.”

_Fuck._

“You- you-”

“Seriously, Louise needs to call her mum. I have to go.”

Liam closes his eyes and slides down the wall, stretching the cord.

“You fucking knew already, didn’t you. All fucking weekend, you _knew._ ” Tears are pushing their way out of his eyes and he just wishes they’d stay inside.

“What does it matter to you? If I knew, if I didn’t, doesn’t fucking matter, does it? I’m leaving either way, and it’ll be fucking nice to have a break from you, shoving yourself into my life every fucking second.”

All he can see is red. His eyes are squeezed shut and he doesn’t want to open them ever again.

All he can see is blue.

“I fucking hate you. I fucking-”

Noel laughs. Not happy. Cruel. Stabbing him with a noise. “I don’t think you do.”

“I _do._ ”

“I think, come next year, you’re going to be waiting on my doorstep, drooling like a dog, just waiting for me to come back to you. Aren’t you?”

Cold and heartless and Noel and Noel and Noel and leaving and terrible and loving him and hating him and wanting him and needing him and breathing in his scent, his air, him, all of him, all he wanted, all he could never have, and he should have fucking known.

“Didn’t it mean _anything_ to you?”

He laughs again. “We’re not fuckin’- going _steady_ , we’re not _married._ It’s a fucking secret, _you’re_ my fucking secret, and you’re never going to be able to tell anyone what we did, you know that. And you don’t get to choose what I fucking do, where I go. I don’t belong to you, cunt.”

_Yes you do. Yes you fucking do._

“I fucking hate you, alright? _You’re_ a cunt, and I hope you have fucking fun in fucking Korea and France, you twat, lifting fucking speakers and pretending you like birds, when you don’t, you fucking- gay prick- getting hard for your brother, you’re a fucking phony-”

“And you wonder why I’d want to go.”

The tears are coming now and he can’t bear it.

“So that’s it. You fuck me and you leave me.”

Noel doesn’t answer.

“You fucked me, remember? You said you _loved_ me- you fucking used me, and now you’re _leaving,_ you fucking-”

The line cuts out.

He goes outside and punches the side of the house until his knuckles bleed, and Noel’s in his blood, Noel _is_ his blood. He can’t fucking change it. Red. Bleeding heart.

It’s his fault, he should have known better than to think Noel _loved_ him.

It’s Noel’s fault. He’s the big brother.

He was supposed to protect him. He was supposed to keep him safe. He was supposed to love him, and most importantly, he was supposed to be _there._

Liam decides he’s never going to speak to his brother again. He washes his hands off in the sink, and lies down in the bed that used to be Noel’s.


	5. boys in the band

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AGAINST ALL ODDS I FINALLY FINISHED THIS CHAPTER
> 
> :^)
> 
>  **ch. v:** light bondage, nothing too extreme; spanking

****_It's not going to happen, never. I give him my songs to sing. How much more approval does he need beyond that? He gets to sing my songs, that's all I'll give him.  
            – Noel Gallagher, 1996_

_•••_

“We’re recording that fucking song, y’know.”

“No way, man.”

Noel is twenty-five years old. He’s in a band with his brother, has been for a few months now. He’s also fucking his brother – the same one – and if he had to swear on his life, well, he’s in love with his brother, too. Again – the same one.

(At the end of the day, everything comes down to his brother. But don’t let Liam find that out.)

“’s the only thing you’ve written that’s not shit.”

Liam smacks him on the arm. “Fuck off! I’m not a fuckin’ songwriter, you know that.”

The younger is laid with his head in Noel’s lap, soft hair tickling his stomach. They’re both naked on the ratty couch in Noel’s flat. _That_ couch. Liam is staring up at the fishtank behind his brother, pretending to count the fish, but Noel can tell he’s really counting the freckles and birthmarks on his neck, his collarbone, the bottom of his chin.

(As if Liam doesn’t have every fucking one memorized already. As if he won’t see them on the backs of his eyelids, like constellations, for the rest of his life.)

“ _Take me when I’m young and truuuuue..._ ”

“Shut _up,_ man!”

He laughs gleefully. “Not fucking taking the piss, it’s a good song. Bit like the Roses, but those words… singin’ your soul, la’.”

Liam rolls his eyes, grumbling. “Yeah, whatever. S’not for anyone else, y’know. Too personal, like.”

“The fuck’d’you write it for, then? Sang it at the fucking Boardwalk, if you’ll remember. In front of all your _mates_.”

Blue meets blue. “To get you in the band. ‘N I got you. So there’s that, sorted. End of.”

“Yeah, you got me.”

“End of.”

“Opened yourself up in front of all those people, y’did. All, what, fourteen of them? _Take me when I start to cryyyy_ …”

Liam’s face doesn’t crack, not once. “Meant every word. And I got what I wanted, didn’t I.”

“I’d say you did.”

He smirks up at Noel. “Always do, man.”

They stare at each other for a bit, upside-down, and then Noel brushes Liam’s full lips with his thumb and pulls him up and around and they kiss. Nobody smiles. Nobody has to. It’s love and it’s fucking great and it’s certainly what Noel wanted – _wants_ – but it’s also no fucking laughing matter, and it’s soul-crushing, and it’s never enough.

•••

It is Liam’s 20th birthday and he’s fucking lucky they’re gigging hours away, because otherwise they’d have nowhere else to go – Louise is home and they can’t fucking risk it at Mam’s anymore, much to Liam’s disappointment; maybe a rough kiss or two but no more fucking while they’re there, no more falling asleep in the same bed.

He’d begged Noel to give him a night, just one. His eyes are pleading and Noel can read them so easily; knows Liam wants, _needs_ to spend the whole night with him, take some coke with him, kiss him slowly while Noel rubs his back and then fucks him over and over until they’re too fucking tired to go again. For him to fall asleep behind Liam with a hand on his stomach and his lips on his neck.

And of course Noel gave in. He had to, it’s the kid’s birthday, and it certainly didn’t help that Liam was looking all perfect today, in his favorite jumper with his hair mussed all perfect, clean-shaven. As if he’s a fucking girl, dressing up to make himself feel good, to make people look at him and think _fuck me, he’s good-looking._

But he’s all for Noel. Makes him fucking hungry, sometimes, seeing his baby brother looking like that, how the girls’ eyes linger on him, and usually their boyfriends’, too. Makes him want to bite Liam’s neck till he bleeds, scratch _Noel’s_ into his back. Or _Property of Noel Gallagher_ , maybe. 

(He will want to _own_ Liam the rest of his life. There will be times he comes frighteningly close and it makes his stomach flood with guilt, but he’ll still ache for it.)

Liam had spent the entire day getting pissed, and telling stupid jokes, and making offhand comments in this fucking horrible Scottish accent. By five o’clock Noel is ready to throttle him but they just go to the pub instead. Liam ignores Noel and talks to Bonehead and Tony and laughs loudly while he knocks back four pints. Noel ignores his gin & tonic, too distracted and infuriated by the way Liam’s lips wrap around a cigarette. By the time the kid finally swivels on his barstool and stares at Noel with those stupid fucking pretty eyes, saying _alright, then, our kid?,_ Noel thinks there are a few things he’d rather do than kill him. But Liam still keeps saying shit in that accent so it’s a bit of a fucking whirlwind of confusing emotions for Noel at the moment.

They fuck off to the toilets to do a few lines before the gig and Liam sticks his arm through the stall door and squeezes in next to Noel, much to the older brother’s annoyance.

“Get out of here, you mental cunt.”

“What? ‘m not doin’ anything. Don’t you wanna spend some quality time with your brother?”

“Shut up. Just… fucking… let’s just do this and get back.”

“Yeah, man.” He’s breathing a bit fucking close to Noel’s face, but he behaves himself, doing his lines quickly and quietly, not touching his brother, not even once.

He looks so fucking _cool_ as he stands upright again, Noel hates to admit, the way he drags the back of his hand under his nose, eyes closed while he makes sure to inhale the last of it. Like he’s a fucking rockstar, like he knows it. Glamorous and hedonistic, instead of the idiotic, awkward kid he usually is.

Noel prays no one sees the two sets of feet under the stall, though he’s done worse than this with Liam in a public toilet before. He doesn’t want to dwell on it.

•••

They spend a few more hours round the pub after the gig, and Noel is itching for it to end, catching Liam’s teasing glances and trying his best to just look away, unaffected. He exhales in relief when they finally pack it in – well, all of them but Bonehead – and walk down the dark street to the shabby little hotel on the end. Noel makes sure everyone sees Liam going into his own room, and once he’s certain the coast is clear he leaves his room and knocks twice and Liam smiles big and sweet at him but follows him down the hallway in silence.

Once they’re safely locked in the room Noel wants to rip Liam’s jumper off him, maybe slap him in the face for being such a fucking nightmare today. But he doesn’t, just sits on the edge of the bed, leaning down to fish through his bag and find Liam’s present.

Liam looks a bit surprised that Noel has gotten him anything. He’d meant to give it to him before the gig, would’ve been more useful then, but he’d honestly forgotten.

As his brother rips apart the newspaper he’d used to wrap it, Noel smiles a bit as he hears the instrument shaking. Liam sits with it on his lap once it’s free of the wrapping, gazing down with his lips parted like he can’t believe it’s really his. Like it’s just _perfect_.

It’d only cost Noel £9.99, but with the way Liam’s staring in awe at the white star-shaped tambourine, you’d think it was made of diamonds.

“…thanks, Noel.” He finally meets his brother’s eyes, then, shyly. God knows he _never_ says thank you, not to Noel, at least. He wants to fucking drink it in, how happy he’s made the kid.

But it’s not really the time for that now. Liam’s got a few fucking things to answer for.

Noel runs through it in his head, all the ways he could make Liam pay for his constant fucking stupid behavior, but his train of thought goes right off the tracks as Liam drops the tambourine on the floor with a clatter and climbs onto Noel’s thighs, straddling him. He doesn’t waste a second and grips Noel’s face, rubbing his thumbs against the stubble and kissing him. Noel bites his full bottom lip and Liam whimpers a bit, breathing shakily into the guitarist’s mouth.

(As time goes on, Liam will _never_ waste a second, becoming more and more desperate; like Noel could get up and leave at any moment, like every kiss will be their last. And even though it’ll be seventeen years before it happens, when it finally ends he’ll feel like he didn’t grab on tight enough, like 1992 was just a second ago and he simply blinked and suddenly Noel was gone.)

Liam doesn’t get to be in control for very long; Noel’s getting turned on but he can’t just shrug off the day’s annoyance and he grips Liam a bit too roughly by his upper arm, swinging him around and onto his back on the bed, getting an indignant noise and a glare for it.

“Cunt, what was that for?”

“You’ve been a bit bad today, haven’t you.”

He scoffs. “No. ‘sides, ‘s my birthday, isn’t it?”

“Doesn’t mean you can be a fucking… insufferable cunt all day. You nearly drove me mad.”

“What, like this?” Liam flutters his eyelashes, eyes fucking smoldering, licking his wet and shiny lips. It’s fucking ridiculous but Noel gulps, lust rising in him and mixing with the anger for an intoxicating combination that he knows is going to ruin the both of them someday.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“Well. Drives you mad anyway, can see it, _chief._ ”

Noel feels sick to his stomach for a moment. “Don’t call me that, not- not here.”

“Mm, chief _, fuck_ me _, CHIEF-_ ”

He smacks him on his arm. “Fucking cut it, Liam, just stop.”

His younger brother bites his bottom lip and laughs, clearly amused with himself but also low and breathy. Noel thinks Liam is a bit too fucking pleased with all of this. He leans over him fully, sitting on his hips, and presses Liam’s wrists down into the mattress.

“How can I get you to behave?”

Liam bites down even harder on his lip, till there’s a bead of blood rising on it. He struggles against Noel’s hands where they hold his wrists to the bed, but doesn’t succeed – he’s not really trying very hard, to be honest.

Leaning in towards his ear, Noel whispers roughly, “Would be better if I could just keep you like this.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Sometimes… I think I could handle you better if you were all tied up.”

He hadn’t really meant it – had just been talking shit, trying to rile Liam up, get him as angry as he himself is. But as he pulls back and sees the blue eyes, glassy with arousal, hears his stuttering breath, Noel knows he’s uncovered something he never would have guessed. Maybe something even Liam himself never knew. Until now.

The blood is still blooming on Liam’s lip and Noel bends forward to lick it away. Liam moans.

Back down at his ear, he murmurs, “You want me to tie you up, don’t you.”

“Fucking- _no,_ I’m not some fucking-”

Noel chuckles. “Yeah, you are.”

“Noel, you fucking-”

“Shut _up._ Gonna… gonna keep your hands together… behind your fucking back, maybe. You’d like that. All bound up and helpless. Yeah, you’d like it… I can _feel_ it.”

He _can_ , in fact, in more ways than one. Liam’s already getting hard underneath him.

“Fucking _cunt,_ just fucking-”

“I’ve already made my fucking mind up. Need to punish you, anyway…”

Liam rolls his eyes and glares at Noel again. “Then stop fucking _talking_ about it and _do_ it, if you’re such a fucking hard man.” (No pun intended, Liam swears.) “Fucking control freak.”

“That’s what I like to hear… only had to ask.” He leans in and bites Liam’s lip, hard, drawing even more blood to the surface. Liam squirms around, pressing his hips up against Noel’s.

“ _Fuck_ , Noel.”

“Fucking love you like this, y’know.”

It’s not really an _I love you_ but Liam blushes and smiles like it is. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Noel pulls off then. “You shameless little mess.” He sits up, starting to pull his belt out of the loops, slowly.

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck _you…_ that’s what I’ll be doing soon enough.” He gets the belt off, making sure Liam’s eyes are on it as he sets it on the bed to his left. The younger man really _is_ shameless, now, not even trying to hide his interest in what awaits him.

Liam’s jumper gets pulled over his head, tousling his hair; then Noel pushes his t-shirt up his stomach, stroking the pale skin, pulling the shirt over his head as well, exhaling at the sight of his brother’s naked torso.

“Fucking pretty boy.”

Noel hears his brother’s breath hitch, slides his hand up to pinch a nipple between his thumb and index finger, pulling on it a bit before claiming the boy’s lips with his own, shoving his tongue in. Liam fucking likes that, likes Noel feeling up his chest, he always has. Likes it rough, too. Of course he fucking does. He wouldn’t be _Liam_ if he wanted it soft and gentle all the time.

But soon it’s enough for Noel, about time to move on, to get the ball rolling. He fists a hand in Liam’s hair and grips him by the arm with the other, tugging on him like a ragdoll, making him sit upright.

“ _Ow_.”

“Don’t complain, I know you fuckin’ like it that way.”

“Yeah, I _do_ , but it still fucking _hurts_ , man.”

It’s with a bit of a sad sigh that Noel says, averting his eyes, “I _have_ to hurt you, y’know.” Immediately after, he wishes he hadn’t.

“Why?”

“…’cause of the things you make me do.”

Liam groans, leaning forwards to quickly kiss Noel. “I wasn’t trying to, fuckin’- I was just- look, let’s not talk about that, yeah? Jus’… _want_ you.”

“Alright.” He tries to swallow his nerves, to put that barrier back up – even if they both know what’s underneath it.

“Well, you gonna fucking tie me up or what? Fucking coward.” Liam smirks at him, raising his eyebrows a bit, getting back into this dangerous game they’re playing and it’s fucking perfect. He’s so fucking insolent Noel could scream, and now that his confidence is back, he can’t fucking _wait_ to punish his little brother.

He gets up on his knees and resituates himself behind Liam, pulling his arms around his back uncaringly. Then, breathing heavily in anticipation, he picks up his discarded belt, looping it around Liam’s shaking wrists, fumbling a bit before he gets it tight enough. He can’t fucking believe this is happening and part of him wonders if it’s even okay, if he should even be doing it. But fuck, he shouldn’t be here at all, shouldn’t _be_ with Liam like this. It’s fine. It’s alright. All of it is wrong so all of it’s okay, and Liam wants this just as bad as he does, is fucking panting already. Noel tugs on the belt, making sure it’s secure, and then goes back to facing Liam, needing to see his eyes.

They’re bright and curious and a bit hazy, but his brow is furrowed and his mouth a defiant scowl. Noel smiles despite himself. It’s a bit cute how Liam thinks he can fool Noel into believing that he’s not fucking shaking, that he won’t be a whimpering mess within minutes.

Noel reaches forward to brush a lock of Liam’s hair aside and runs his thumb across the singer’s smooth cheek. “How’s that feel, sweetheart,” he breathes out, meaning to use the pet name in a sarcastic manner but not quite changing his tone enough to make it convincing. Liam obviously thinks he’s being serious, anyway, exhaling sharply and turning his head to suck Noel’s thumb into his mouth, staring over at him so confidently with those big blue eyes, lashes long and pretty, pupils so dilated it’s as if he was fucking E’d up or something.

“Feels… fine. Good, fucking- feels good, is that what you want to hear, you pervert?” With every word his voice seems to drip with arousal and some poor attempt at seduction more and more.

“Yeah, I think that’ll do.”

He has to steel himself and focus on being in the moment; all his brain seems to want to process is the thought of fucking Liam, as rough as he can possibly do it, and Noel intends to draw this out, make it last as long as possible, in case the kid never wants it again. He can’t stop imagining how Liam’s arms will ache from being bound to the headboard, chained above his head, how his wrists will get rubbed raw from the leather. Noel hopes he’ll make him fucking bleed.

“Get up, c’mon.” Noel gets off the bed, guiding Liam towards him, then backing up till he’s against the wall, watching as his brother throws his legs over the side of the bed and stands up on unsteady legs. Liam makes his way towards Noel, and once he’s within arm’s reach, the guitarist pushes him roughly to his knees, making him wince, but he’s fucking smiling too, Noel can see it. He unzips his trousers and opens the button, about to pull his dick out, then stops.

“Look at me.” It’s almost too difficult for Noel, too enticing to see his eyes, but he has to. “Promise me you’re okay with this.”

“I _am_ , alright.”

“Look, I’ll say this now, if we do this… I’m not fucking holding back.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah… gonna fuck you as fucking hard as I want. A bit more than you can handle, maybe… wanna make you cry.” Noel’s surprised at the way the words sound actually coming out of his mouth.

Liam gulps, clearly turned on by that. Noel makes a note of it. “I’m not going to be fucking _crying._ ”

“Just fucking say _stop_ if you want me to stop, alright? And I’ll stop.” He pulls his prick out now, grazing Liam’s lips with it, making them shine with a bit of precum.

“Fuck that… safeword bullshit, man, I’m not a fucking pussy.” And with that, Liam leans in, closing his eyes when Noel brushes against his cheek. “Gonna suck your fucking cock.”

He starts – _tries_ to start – slowly, but Noel’s not fucking having any of that. Not tonight. He’s licking around the head, squirming slightly against the belt around his wrists. Noel takes his hair in both hands and shoves him down on his cock, only halfway, but enough to make him gag, just a bit.

It’s about fucking time. He knows that once he’s ready to fuck Liam, he wants the younger man to have spit all running down his chin, dripping down to his collarbone, on the ratty hotel carpeting. Lips swollen. Eyes watering so much that even if he’s not actually crying, he still looks like he is, eyes red, cheeks wet and salty. Like _Noel_ made him cry. That control. God, it’d be fucking lovely to cum down his throat while he looks like that, or on his face, but Noel doesn’t want to end it so quickly tonight. Can’t pass up the opportunity to be inside him; he passes it up too much, he sometimes thinks. Surely Liam would agree.

His mouth adjusts a bit – God knows he’s sucked enough cock to be used to it by now – and Noel feels safe going deeper, still wanting to push his limits, going slow but making sure Liam swallows it all the way to the base every time he shoves his head down. And it must be okay; he hasn’t told him to stop, and he’s clearly enjoying it, moaning like a whore, face all blissed out.

A minute or two later it’s already gotten sloppy, enough to get Noel fully hard, and he’s sure Liam’s near bursting in his own pants as well. He smiles, thinking about how much he’s gonna drag it out for the singer; how much he’ll tease him, take him to the edge then back down again, making him groan in frustration and _fury_ like he’s being tortured. Noel’s done it before – not as much as he plans to tonight, mostly because Liam can’t touch his own cock and ruin all of Noel’s hard work this time. Last time, Liam’s dick was so hard it was nearly purple against his white stomach, leaking more precum than Noel had ever seen as he fingered him much too softly and slowly, only letting him have his index finger, no matter how much the kid begged for more.

Noel knows he’ll have to stop soon but he’s honestly having far too much fun with this. Liam’s the perfect picture of a submissive little slut right now, and Noel thinks maybe it turns him on so much because that’s _not_ who Liam is, not at all. ‘Submissive’ and ‘Liam’ don’t belong in the same sentence – don’t belong in the same fucking _dictionary._ Yeah, he definitely wants this, just as much as his brother – well, maybe not _quite_ as much – but he’s acting, Noel knows it. Playing a role. It’s just fucking fun to act sometimes, he guesses. Although if he’s honest to himself, he doesn’t feel like he himself is. He feels like this is how he always is, that he _always_ wants to hurt Liam, as long as he can see him smile, too, as long as those pretty blue eyes are watching him.

The first tear finally drips down Liam’s cheek, running fast like rain on a car window and mixing with all the saliva on his chin, drawn out into long strands at some places. He gags a bit and Noel yanks his head up by the hair, suddenly much too close to coming. Spit connects Liam’s lips to his brother’s cock, still, and he’s panting like he just ran ten miles without stopping, fucking drooling all over himself, his jeans, the carpet. He looks up at Noel with bleary eyes, helpless and wrecked and absolutely fucking dying to be touched, like if he wasn’t bound up he’d be stroking his dick without hesitation until he came over his hand. Christ, he’d fucked Liam’s mouth _good_ , Noel thinks to himself. Hardest he’s ever done it, maybe. He hopes Liam’s throat will be sore.

“C’mon, back up on the bed, you.” Noel drags him up by his elbow. “About time I fucked you, don’t you think?”

Liam glares at him, defiant, and for that Noel turns him around and pushes him against the bed without a second thought, so that he’s bent over the edge. He’s still got his jeans on, but his arse is up in the air, and Noel can still picture what it looks like underneath his trousers. The thought makes his cock twitch up against his stomach and he drags the jeans down the lad’s legs before he has time to say a word.

He’s not got any boxers on underneath and it makes Noel laugh. “Jesus, why?”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“You’re a fucking… silly cunt, y’know.”

“I fucking hate you.”

Noel clicks his tongue in disappointment. “Oh, Liam… shouldn’t have fucking said that… gonna have to punish you even more now.” He grips Liam’s hair and pulls his neck back a bit, leaning over him and making their eyes meet. “You’re not being a very good boy.”

“Maybe I’m _not_ a good boy.” Liam’s trying not to fucking smile, clearly delighted by this banter, hiding under a mask of willful disobedience. It’s fucking hot.

“First sensible thing you’ve said all night, la’… but I still gotta punish you, you _know_ that. You deserve it. Little bitch.”

Liam lets out a barely audible moan as he pulls off, letting his head drop back onto the bed. Noel is still fully clothed, even his cock is tucked painfully back inside his pants; Liam’s nearly naked with his trousers around his knees and his arms behind his back. He looks fucking perfect.

“You’re a pretty little bitch, though, aren’t you…”

His brother moans again and wiggles around on the bed a little but he can’t exactly move very easily like this. Noel wants to take him by surprise, and without another word he pulls back his hand and slaps Liam’s arse. The singer nearly yelps in shock. “ _Noel!_ ”

Noel slaps him again, harder this time, and again just the same, and he feels his cock leaking precum in his pants as Liam starts pushing his hips against the sheets, his own cock hard and neglected. Noel keeps going, over and over, only stopping after fifteen to give Liam a break. He’s making this pathetic little noise, like a half-sob, even though he’s not crying or anything.

“Look at you… thought you were some little rockstar, did you? Thought you were some kind of womanizer… well, you’re just an eager little boy. Isn’t that right?”

Liam pants against the bedsheets, so heavily that Noel can hear it easily.

“I believe I asked you a question, Liam.” He slaps his arse again, not quite as hard this time, and rubs the pink skin softly afterwards.

“Sure, fucking- fine, I’m a fucking- oh, _fuck!_ ” He moans as Noel hits him again, faster than he was before, till he’s done another fifteen and Liam is biting down on his own fingers to stifle the pain. He figures that’s enough, then; he doesn’t know if a slap can really bruise, but Liam’s arse is definitely going to be sore regardless, all reddened and hurt. Sensitive.

(Liam may not be submissive in the slightest, but he’s maybe the most sensitive person Noel’s ever met.)

He rubs at the irritated skin gently, soothing. “All done. That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Liam makes a little noise, somewhere between pain and relief and pleasure.

“You… you untying me already?”

Noel laughs loudly, short and cold. “Fucking of course not, you idiot. Just done with _that_. You ready to get on with it?” It’s a thrill to talk to Liam like this with him turned around, unable to look back at Noel with that petulant glare on his face.

“Thought you’d never ask.”

Maneuvering Liam up onto the bed on his stomach, Noel feels his own stomach doing flips, full of butterflies as he prepares to make this newfound fantasy come true, full circle. To fuck his little Liam with no mercy, no restraint; and for Liam to take it happily. Let Noel own him, if only for tonight.

He takes off his clothes, slowly, while Liam turns his head as much as he can, neck straining to watch Noel. He can’t exactly get on his hands and knees while bound up, so his back is sloped sharply downwards, hips up high, head crushed sideways on the pillow. Noel leans over his brother’s back, then, brushing his lips along the shell of his ear. With his hands he traces over the edges of the belt where it wraps around Liam’s wrists.

“Gonna take these off, yeah,” he whispers in Liam’s ear, “so I can get you tied up to the headboard, alright?”

“Mm… yeah.” He sounds high; sleepy and focused all at once.

Noel kisses his ear a few times, sucking on his earlobe before murmuring even quieter, “Don’t fucking move a muscle, or I’ll smash your face in.” He half-regrets it immediately after, worried he’s gone too far; but it must be alright because Liam’s breath hitches and he whimpers.

This is enough of a confirmation, enough agreement, for Noel to unclasp the belt, letting Liam’s arms hang down bonelessly at his sides, giving him just a minute to rest. He notes with a surge of satisfaction, one that goes straight to his cock, that Liam’s wrists have indeed been chafed by the rough leather of his belt. He leans down to give Liam a slow, sweet kiss, which he greedily reciprocates while Noel softly brushes his hurt wrists with the tips of his fingers.

Once he’s given him a bit of time off, though, Noel gets right back into their whole little act, lifting Liam’s arms over his head like he’s stretching. Thank God this hotel has the perfect headboard for this, fucking lucky, really; it’s got wooden poles running vertically along it, thin enough for Liam’s hands to fit through the gaps, thick enough to secure the belt nice and tight. It takes a minute and a bit of creative thinking for Noel to work it out correctly, but soon enough he’s got the kid all secure, hands laying on the pillow above his head while he rests his head against one arm, arse still up. Begging for it. Noel gets the biggest fucking thrill when he sits back and looks at his work, admiring the beautiful, debauched boy all laid out in front of him. He’s spread his thighs wide already, making his cheeks spread open a bit, so Noel can just barely get a glimpse of his hole. Noel wants him so badly he could burst.

“God, you’re ready for it.”

“Fucking _been_ ready.”

Noel ignores him. “You know you’re not anyone else’s, right? Letting me smack you around, tie you up, make you do whatever I say. Nobody else gets that.”

Liam doesn’t say anything and it worries the older man but he doesn’t want to step out of the game, not now.

“So think about _that_ next time you’re fucking some random bird. Her cunt might feel fucking _great_ wrapped around your cock, but it’s nothing special, yeah? You can’t get _this_ anywhere else. Can’t get _me._ ” Without further preamble he spreads Liam open wide and spits on his hole, still so fucking tight, ‘cause they haven’t had anywhere to fuck for weeks now, and Liam always feels a bit fucking silly fingering himself while he wanks off to thoughts of Noel. He groans as he feels the wetness hit him, dripping down the cleft of his arse.

Noel sucks on his fingers, trying to get them lubed up enough to push inside, but it’s not working and despite how bad he wants to see his little brother all fucked up at his own hand, he’s not so sick as to want Liam bleeding from there, from inside; the most vulnerable part of his body (besides his heart), a place Noel’s fucking privileged to even be _allowed_ to touch.

Luckily, the lube is only in his suitcase, conveniently on the same side of the bed. Liam whines when he moves away to get up and fetch it, but it’s worth it once Noel’s back on the bed behind him, fingers sufficiently slick; he shoves two in, making Liam groan, probably in some small amount of pain.

Despite himself, Noel feels the need to lean down to his brother’s ear, whispering, “Alright?”

Liam turns his head as much as he can, breathing onto Noel’s face, so goddamn _happy_ when his older brother bridges the distance and kisses him. “’Course I am, Noely G.”

Rolling his eyes at the nickname, Noel sits back up; his fingers have done their job, now, going in and out so easily, like Liam’s body was _made_ to work with Noel’s. He rubs his ring finger around in the excess lube leaking out of Liam and works that one in as well. Three is always a stretch when it’s been awhile, but Noel’s cock is much thicker than two fingers so three is necessary if he wants to be certain he’s not going to tear Liam up in some way. He winces a bit, whining out _Fuck, it_ _hurts_ , _Noel,_ fucking pathetic little boy. He’s obviously being a fucking drama queen, but just to ease the tension a bit, Noel wraps his right hand around Liam’s hip, loosely holding his stiff, dripping cock in his fist.

“That better, baby?” Noel doesn’t know _when_ he started using these terrible cheesy pet names, but it seems to fit, if only here, in whatever universe they’re in right now.

His little brother moans languidly. “Yes, fuck, please. So close.”

Noel chuckles and pulls his hand away. “Well, fuck. Not gonna have you coming before I’m even _inside_ you.”

More than anything, he wants to eat Liam out right now, get him all slick with his spit, feel his slim hips pushing back against his face. Make him moan and squirm while he pushes his tongue inside. But that’s not a fucking punishment, it’s a reward, and Liam’s certainly not going to get it after being such an annoying little cunt today.

But just like Liam, Noel’s fucking dangerously close to coming as well; he pulls on his balls quickly, trying to stave it off for a bit. His fingers make an obscene noise as he starts pulling them out of Liam, and it entices him so much that he sinks them back in, out, in, out just to hear it a couple more times, hear how disgustingly, deliciously _wet_ his brother is for him. Liam moans out _Noel, Noel, Noel_ and tries to push his hips back, fuck himself harder on Noel’s fingers, but he doesn’t succeed, only hurting his wrists as they strain against the belt and the headboard.

Slicking up his cock as quickly as he can, he decides to make Liam exclaim in shock again, and shoves his dick in all at once.

“ _Fuck,_ fuck- fuck- fucking, fucking _cunt_ \- fuck-”

“Watch your language, kid.”

“ _Fuck,_ Noel-”

All his words simply fade into moans once Noel starts pushing in, barely giving him any time to adjust, already hitting his prostate. He won’t fucking shut up and as pretty as his noises are, Noel entertains the idea of gagging him next time. Maybe blindfolding him, too.

He digs his nails into Liam’s hips as he fucks him. The foreplay was a bit much, maybe, because Noel’s far too ready to come. Or maybe Liam’s just a fucking angel, or something, or magic, in the way he can turn Noel on so fast, make him come so fast. Make him fall, drag him down to hell or wherever, as his brother does just the same to him.

Noel leans down to Liam’s ear just to murmur, “See, I _knew_ you could be a good boy.”

“Noel…”

“Knew I could make you behave.” He thrusts harder and harder into Liam, making the headboard clank against the wall, making Liam moan and whine and pant into the bedsheets as his wrists get pulled and pulled and pulled, and Noel sees a drop of blood sliding down his arm from under the makeshift cuffs, and it only lurches his body forward even closer to release.

“ _Please,_ Noel… please…”

“What d’you want, hmm? I think I can reward you, just a bit… bein’ my good little boy now, you are.” His eyes are closed; Noel wonders if he can hear the smile in his voice. His own breath is shaky from the furious movement of his hips, almost on autopilot. Liam is so fucking unbelievably tight, but he still takes it so well, and they _did_ use a ridiculous amount of lube. It keeps getting pushed out from inside him, getting the sheets wet, and it makes Noel think of the time the two of them were so coked up they just kept going, both kept coming, and Noel got to fuck his own cum right out of his brother’s tight little arse; got to hold him open after three times and say _Jesus fucking Christ, Liam_ as the kid’s body slowly leaked out three loads, big gobs of cum that dripped from his balls and slid down his shaking thighs and stained the sheets, his hole clenching as he tried to push even more out for Noel. All for Noel.

“Touch… _touch_ me, need to fucking come…”

Noel’s so close to the edge, he can’t even pretend he’s not anymore. Can’t keep up the act, can only manage to grit out _That’s a fucking good boy, God, Liam_ into his ear while he strokes him, not even caring about his moans as he stifles them into the bed.

“Fuck, I’m gonna…”

“My fucking _angel_ ,” Noel whispers in his ear, nuzzling his head against Liam’s, kissing his soft hair over and over almost compulsively as he finally lets go inside of him, moaning in relief. He’s yet to come, though, so Noel makes sure to stay inside him; he knows he likes that. His hips are still stuttering against his brother’s, like he’s breeding him or something.

“Come _on,_ fuck, you punished me, fucking take _care_ of me, you dick, I let you fucking do all this, fucking make me _come,_ Noel-”

He’s such a whiny little bitch but Noel doesn’t need to tell him that right now.

“I’ve got you. You know that.” He can only manage it in the slightest whisper but Liam hears and whimpers and the guitarist tightens his fingers around his cock as he strokes him, brushing his thumb roughly over the slit at the tip, and Liam’s shaking and sounds like he’s sobbing as he comes hot all over Noel’s hand and the bed. The older brother inhales at the sight and finally lets his cock slip out of the singer, making him lick up all his own cum from his hand, despite the flush of humiliation on Liam’s face.

“Fucking untie me.”

Apparently, Noel can’t get even a moment of peace from him. Fucking figures.

It _is_ his birthday, though, and Noel’s certainly had his fun. His entire body is exhausted, and it’s probably worse for Liam. So he takes his wrists down, and throws the belt on the floor before licking the blood from the cut on the side of Liam’s right wrist. _My poor baby_ , he wants to say against Liam’s skin, _I’m so sorry I had to hurt you_. But he doesn’t, maybe out of fear, or maybe because he _knows_ how much he loves hurting his little brother, and he knows it’ll only be a matter of time before he does it again.

Noel feels like he can barely breathe, and the only thing he can do to stop from passing out is to flick off the light and pull off the filthy blanket, drag the sheet over their bodies; to tug his baby brother down to lie with his head on the same pillow, letting him choose how they lay, before they both slip into black oblivion.

•••

“We’re married,” Liam says one day, spinning the Claddagh ring around his pinky, taking Noel’s hand in his to clink against the gold on his brother’s finger. “We’re fuckin’ married, we are.”

Noel pulls his hand away, fixing the kid with an icy stare. “Don’t say shit like that.”

“Why not? You fucking scared, or what? _You_ gave me this ring, anyway, fuckin’ practically _proposed_ to me-”

The older man gets up from his chair quickly. “It’s really in your best interest to stop fucking talking, Liam.” He starts to walk away but doesn’t get far before Liam grips his wrist.

He sounds like he’s on the verge of tears as he asks him, “Why can’t you give me what I want?”

Swallowing down his sudden nausea, Noel looks Liam in the eyes and spits, “You get to sing my fucking songs. What more could you possibly want?”

Liam is stunned and doesn’t say a word.

Noel walks away and once he’s left the room he hears expletives being shouted at him, _fucking run away, coward, you fucking cunt._

And like he often does, he has to switch that voice off. Liam’s voice.

(When Noel is forty-two, he will spend years trying to forget what it sounds like. He never even gets close. Sometimes he thinks Liam lives inside of his head.)

Later that night, Liam drinks a half-bottle of whiskey and punches Noel in the jaw.

He sneers in his brother’s face, tauntingly, “You look so fuckin’ _pretty_ all bruised up. Nice, innit? How does it _feel?_ ”

Like always, all that Noel can possibly do is walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> INTERVIEWER: The onstage feuding that apparently goes on – is it genuine?  
> NOEL: Ahhh… fifty-fifty innit. But we’re all right. We’re all right.  
> INT: I know on Saturday night he told you off, in a few more words than ‘tell you off’…  
> NOEL: Yeah… well… We’ll let him have his little power trip.  
> INT: Gotta give him a bit of room, at the end of the day.  
> NOEL: I slapped his bottom after the gig. I put him over my knee for that, I’ll have you know.  
> INT: Gave him a damn good spanking. Sometimes you have to do it, don’t you.  
> NOEL: Totally.  
> \- Capitol Radio interview, 1995
> 
> (thought this was relevant lmao)


	6. bay bridge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL! i am sooo sorry this took so long, i've had the most chaotic few months and this chapter was also really hard to write, i actually only started it yesterday lmao. i really hope it doesn't feel too rushed.
> 
> a lottttt of angst in this chapter but also some rare fluff!
> 
>  **ch. vi:** no warnings, i think; if you think any should be added, please let me know

_If bridges had feelings, the San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge would be experiencing one of the biggest, and most justified, inferiority complexes in history … it lives in the shadow of its beautiful famous sister, the Golden Gate Bridge._

_•••_

It’s the first time Liam’s seen him in a week and he’s got to physically restrain himself from running towards him – as if it’s some kind of cheesy chick flick – once his eyes land on that stupid scowl.

They’re in Austin. It’d taken ages to get there on the bus. Liam’s never been to Texas before and it’s weird, he thought it was supposed to be all rednecks with shotguns but this city is buzzing, loves music, with a vibe a bit like Portland only hotter and drier.

The whole band had been down in the hotel bar for hours, getting drunk, Tim and Owen there with them now and finally, _finally,_ ten past midnight _–_ there he fuckin’ is.

Noel looks around at everyone first. Then fixes his eyes on Liam. Tim looks tense, like he’s doubting if he should’ve brought him back here at all, or this soon, at least; like the two of them will bite each other’s faces off just being in the same room.

(That’s not _too_ different from what Liam would like to do with him right now. But he doesn’t know that.)

Guigsy and Bonehead and Tony look on-edge, but there’s relief on their faces, too. And yeah, they’re the band, old friends on the road together and all that shit but it’s about a paycheck for them, too – but Liam, he’s arsed. None of that matters.

It’s only Noel for him right now, not the money, fucking nothing else. His world was on the verge of ending just seven days ago. He thought he’d lost his brother – he thought he’d lost his _more than that_.

(He’s never found a word for what they _are_ together, and he probably never will.)

Those seven days felt like they’d become forever. But here he is.

“Noel.” Liam’s the first to speak. He knows he has to be. He’s _expected_ to be and nobody would dare step on his toes here, because no one on Earth was more worried than he was. Noel doesn’t have a steady girlfriend, and they’re across the world from their mam, regardless, and Tim and Maggie and Marcus and the band and the crew and Coyley and Owen and McGee and the record label would never know his brother the way he did. The way he looks at Liam when they’re alone. The way he kisses him. The way he comes for him.

“Alright?” Noel smirks a bit. He’s _back._

He can’t hold himself back. He stands and takes four steps forward and wraps his arms around that stupid bastard and Noel doesn’t hug him back, really, but he rubs a shaky hand over his upper back briefly and that’s better than nothing. He doesn’t shove Liam away when the younger man’s face turns towards his neck and he doesn’t say anything about the two smudges of wet he feels where Liam’s eyelashes press against his skin.

“Cunt,” Liam mumbles, almost kissing his neck, his own throat pressed to Noel’s five o’clock shadow. No, scratch that – thirty-five o’clock. “Don’t leave again.”

( _Don’t leave_ me _again._ )

( _I can’t promise that._ )

( _I’d wait for you, anyway, no matter what. Would wait my whole life if I had to. You know. And this is how I’d hold you when you came back to me._ )

( _I never asked you to wait._ )

( _No. But I know._ )

So much of what they communicate is unspoken. A silent language. No dictionary. No rules.

•••

Seven days earlier, though, there hadn’t been any communication. Only a brewing storm.

They all knew the gig had been shit, but it was a laugh, who fuckin’ cares. Liam and Bonehead especially had been laughing it up. Wasn’t their fault Noel had a stick up his arse. He’d been acting fucking weird, anyway. Almost as if he was _sober._ Fucking death of the party, he was.

After he’d come offstage Noel had pulled him across the hall by the front of his shirt and when he slammed the door to the dressing room behind them, Liam thought _fuck yes, let’s do it in public_ and nearly went to kiss him before realizing Marcus was already in there. _Well, shit._

Noel’d told him off furiously, stabbing an accusatory finger into Liam’s chest, calling him a dickhead and a lazy cunt and a chancer and a drug addict (but aren’t they both) and looking exasperatedly at Marcus for support. Their manager stayed tight-lipped all throughout, knowing well enough by now not to butt in when the brothers were in the thick of it. Smart. Liam had wondered then why he was even in the room. Wanted him to leave so he could punch Noel in his stupid face and let him get a few hits in as well before he’d drop to his knees. Maybe a good, fast, rough, desperate blowjob could fix it. It’d worked in the past, not all the time, but a good part of it. Liam’s not above paying for it with his mouth. It’s the easiest way, innit. _No one rides for free._

But there is none of that. Noel storms out before Liam can hold him back and Marcus says _just let him go._

(Afterwards, he’d told Tony he’d gotten a dressing-down in the dressing room, and wished the meaning of his words was different.)

He distracts himself by heading out with Bonehead and Tony, first to a bar on Sunset Boulevard, then to an apartment in Santa Monica with a view of the ocean. He’s never seen water so vast and broad and full of crashing waves, nothing like the sea back in England.

The bird he’d intended to get off with, assuming nobody would turn _him_ down, thinks he’s a bit too young for her. Fuck that, he’d turned fuckin’ twenty-two a week and a half ago. But she won’t have him and he resigns himself to probably fucking his hand later tonight, instead. They all get smashed on wine and don’t pack it in for a good few hours.

Once they get back to the hotel, though – that’s when it all goes fucking south, and quickly.

Marcus was looking more tense than any of them had ever seen him.

And then it’s out.

“Noel’s gone.”

_No. No fucking way._

But it’s true.

Liam goes up to his room once Marcus is done briefing them on what he knows – cunt ran off with the money, booked it out on a plane to who-knows-where. He’s pale, fuming with anger and adrenaline and disbelief.

He entertains the idea that Noel may never come back. That he’ll never, ever see him again.

Then he punches the lamp next to his bed, beige just like the rest of the fuckin’ ugly default earth-tone shithole of a room, and stares at the shards on the nightstand all night, kept awake by the crystal and the rage and most of all, the fear.

•••

It’s one in the morning, and Liam is banging on the door of Noel’s hotel room. He knows he’s gone but some part of him hopes it’s all a lie, that his brother is there behind the door, furious with him, ready to take it all out on his body and bite his lips bloody and maybe come on his face; and maybe even forgive him, once he’d gotten his fill.

Of course, there’s no response.

He goes back to his own room, puts on a porno channel, and tries to wank off. It’s only softcore, though, so it’s nowhere near enough; he tries to dial Noel’s room five times but there’s no answer.

But he’s still half-hard, so he keeps stroking. Stares at the bird’s tits on the screen. After thirty seconds he gives up, mutes it, and squeezes his eyes shut while his hand aches from the effort.

It barely takes five minutes before he comes over his hand to a vivid memory of being eighteen and getting fucked hard against the wall in Noel’s bathroom, at four in the morning, while Louise slept just two rooms away.

One post-orgasm cigarette later, he’s asleep, dreaming of white tiles and sweaty skin and India House and his brother being close enough to touch.

•••

The next day is spent down at the bar, staring at the wall, chain-smoking until his throat burns.

•••

_I’m not bothered about anythin’ as long as he’s alright._

_I don’t think he’s going to talk to you, to be honest. But he’s alright._

_…cheers, Tim. Ring us soon as y’can, yeah?_

_Yeah, Liam, will do._

_•••_

The whole week is an absolute haze, and the miserable crystal meth comedown certainly doesn’t help.

And by the time Noel’s back, Liam can’t remember a single thing he’s done in the last seven days.

•••

Liam had bought cigarettes in a little corner shop in San Francisco while they were there and spun the postcard rack around and around while he waited in line. There’d been one in particular that’d caught his eye, showing the Bay Bridge, with the Golden Gate in the background. He hadn’t even known the first one existed until today. He’d absentmindedly read the facts on the back: the Bay Bridge is longer, but the Golden Gate is taller; the Bay Bridge is older, but the Golden Gate is more famous.

It’s fucking stupid but all he could think about was him and Noel. He’d probably be the Golden Gate, then. Fitting. It’s more fucking beautiful, anyway. And brighter. He feels red a lot of the time. And Noel feels grey.

He bought the postcard, then, but never sent it anywhere.

•••

Once they’ve arrived in Austin and Noel has reappeared and Liam’s felt his warmth again, he’s absolutely itching for it. The dickhead makes him wait till the next day, a day he spends at the hotel because he’s not needed at the studio just yet. Then the call comes.

“Hello?”

“Liam.”

 _Fuck yes. Fuckin’ finally._ “What room you in.”

“No. Tell me yours.”

“713.”

“Alright.”

“Come now.”

“Mm… dunno.”

“Noel, _please._ ” Liam thinks he might be fucking hyperventilating.

“You wait there. I’ll be over, don’t fuckin’ worry about that. ‘aven’t fuckin’ shagged anyone in a week.”

“I’ll be down at the bar, then-”

“No. Stay there. No drinks.”

“You mental?” They don’t usually do this sober. They aren’t usually sober at _all –_ haven’t really been for years.

“No lines or spliffs, either, alright? Need you to promise me.”

“Fuck… Christ. Fuck, whatever, yeah, sure. Need _you_ to promise you’ll actually-”

“Liam!”

“ _What?_ ”

There’s a pause and he can hear Noel exhale. “…I came back, didn’t I.”

He did.

So Liam will have to trust him, even if that’s only gotten harder since the day he left.

He can’t think of anything to say. Just breathes into the phone.

Noel fills the silence before ending the call. “See you soon.”

‘Soon’ ends up being an hour and four minutes, during which Liam watches most of _Jurassic Park_. He spends most of that time scoffing at the screen. _Who the fuck would actually think it was a good idea to bring back dinosaurs? Fuckers went extinct for a reason, didn’t they?_

Somehow the lock clicks in the door and Liam tenses. But of course he knows who it is.

“How the fuck-”

“Got a copy of yours from the front desk. Thought it’d be nice to be able to check up on you anytime I want.”

“You’re a psychopath.”

“Yeah, well. Gotta keep you on edge, don’t I.”

Liam switches off the telly and pulls his shirt over his head eagerly and starts unbuttoning his trousers, when suddenly Noel’s on top of him, easing his bare shoulders back against the bed.

“Slow down… we got all night.” He straddles the singer and sits up, shrugging off his jacket, not protesting when Liam reaches up to unbutton his brother’s shirt. Slowly. It’s hard to slow down, though, it really is, the anticipation has been building since the second he saw him down at the bar the night before – since he got pulled into the dressing room in Los Angeles and screamed at, actually.

“Missed you, Noel.”

“How much?”

“I thought… thought you’d be gone forever.”

“So did I, kid.”

They both strip but Noel doesn’t let them do anything but kiss for nearly a half-hour. It makes Liam feel dizzy with emotion and he doesn’t think he’s ever had sex with someone so lovingly before. _Is this what making love is._

He doesn’t know. But he doesn’t think Noel knows, either, so it’s alright. They didn’t grow up that way. They grew up gritty, cheating on everyone they fucked and never learning the words for what they were doing until they’d done them already.

Unlike nearly all the times before, the guitarist doesn’t shove his head down when Liam takes his cock in his mouth. He leans back on his elbows and closes his eyes and moans when his brother pulls back so just the head is in his mouth, lets him take his time and gently suck it like a lolly for endless drifting minutes and Liam thinks his precum has never tasted so sweet.

“So good, Liam. That’s it.”

And God, Noel _knows_ how fucking much his praise affects him. How it makes his chest swell and his heart beat faster than he knew was possible. He pulls off with a _pop_ and crawls up into his brother’s lap, kissing him languidly, tongues slipping carelessly outside each other’s mouths, and it’s fucking beautiful torture.

“You glad you came back?”

Noel doesn’t answer, just pushes two fingers past Liam’s lips until they’re dripping before reaching down and carefully guiding them inside, where Liam’s burning hot and begging silently for his big brother.

“Well. _I_ am.”

(He knows the answer is _yes,_ anyway. Noel’s left before, and he always comes back, and maybe someday he won’t but – fuck. It’s not the time for those thoughts. Only here. Only now.)

His brother doesn’t finger him rougher than is necessary; doesn’t put in any more than two, ‘cos he knows Liam’s too tight for that right now, too many weeks without his dick. Strokes his prostate gently and kisses him while he does it, making Liam feel like it’s their wedding night or summat.

He makes Liam come with those fingers inside him and another five wrapped around his cock, curved up against his belly, angry red. Sucks it all off his fingers and kisses it into Liam’s mouth and _fuck,_ how he’d missed this.

Liam gets laid down against the bed, like he’s made of fuckin’ porcelain, his hair brushed aside from his eyes, fleeting kisses on his lips and cheeks and even his nose. He never knew Noel was even capable of being so fuckin’ romantic.

“’m ready, Noel, come on.”

“I know. I know.”

They do it soft and gentle, under the blankets, like they never fucking do, with Liam on his back like a bird, like he was the first time they did this, his knees resting around his brother’s hips. It gets too hot and sticky after a minute or two, though. So they do it soft and gentle under the sheet. Noel sucks the younger’s collarbone and whispers incomprehensible words into the side of his neck. Kisses his Adam’s apple. Rubs their sweaty faces together and moans and moans and moans.

Liam closes his eyes. He doesn’t have to see Noel to know that he’s there.

(He prays it’s not some cruel act, that Noel won’t leave him while he’s sleeping, like he does so often in hotels on tour; won’t laugh at him the next time he sees him. He can yell at him all he wants. At least that’s passion. But ridicule from him is one thing Liam can’t handle.)

Noel makes him come again, overstimulated, panting against his warm shoulder where he’d marked his big brother with his lips and tongue and teeth. _Mine. Mine. Mine._ Nobody else can have him. He wishes he could make sure of it. He does all he can to make sure, but it’s not enough.

But when Noel finally comes, he says something Liam almost never hears from him, not directly to his face.

“I _love_ you.”

“Fuck, Noel, fuck, love you too, love you too… _always_ … fuck…”

He grips Noel tighter, hugs him against his body and gasps while he fills him up. He doesn’t pull out. He kisses Liam open-mouthed and breathes into his mouth and Liam succumbs to the mind- and body-numbing pleasure and falls asleep with Noel collapsed on top of him, his cock still buried deep inside of him.

•••

Liam wakes in the middle of the night and is surprised to find he’s crying. He’s even more surprised when he realizes Noel is lying behind him. He hadn’t left. His brother’s hand rubs the skin of his stomach soothingly and he can’t hold back a little sob. He doesn’t even know why he’s sad anymore; Noel’s fucking _here_ , for God’s sake.

Noel’s hand stops moving and he breathes hot against his little brother’s neck. “Go back to sleep.”

“Can’t.”

“You ‘aven’t even tried.”

“Don’ want to.”

There’s a ghostly press of lips against his vertebrae and it makes him shiver. “You must’ve been half-awake, anyway, ‘cos your thoughts been keepin’ me up.”

“Get the fuck out of my head, then. Stupid cunt.” There’s no malice in the words and they come out sleepy and half-formed.

A sigh. “Don’t you think I would if I could.”

Liam burrows further back into the comforting warmth of the body behind him. He can feel Noel’s dick, then, half-hard against his spine, and he doesn’t want to know why it got that way if he was just listening to Liam cry. But he can feel himself getting hard, too, because they are two halves of a whole. Miserably. His body and blood, all of it’s the same as Noel’s.

“Touch me?”

Astonishingly, Noel gives him what he wants with no argument. Slides his left hand down further, fuzzy arm brushing against Liam’s bare hip and raising goose pimples on the skin. Grips his leaking cock with rough fingers and whispers _shh, shh_ when Liam moans quietly, even though it’s not 1991 anymore and there’s nobody here to catch them in the act.

“So hard already… dreaming about me again, were you?”

“No. Nightmares.”

“Oh?” He flicks his thumb across the head of Liam’s dick, casually, like it was an accident, making the younger buck his hips and curse.

“You left me.”

“Let’s not talk about it, yeah?” His cock twitches slightly and drips precum against Liam’s back, running down sideways into the sheets.

Liam tilts his head back so Noel’s nose and lips get buried in his hair. “Then fuck me. Please.”

“Again?”

“Stop fuckin’ asking questions.” He’s still too sleepy and he’s sick of the way Noel’s voice rises at the end of every sentence. Wants to hear it all low and raspy.

“Alright, alright.” More agreeable tonight than he’s been in fucking _years_. “Y’gotta get my dick ready for you, then.” He lets go of Liam and strokes his hipbone instead, making the younger man groan into the pillowcase. “Better suck it real nice.”

“No, no, jus’- jus’ put it in, _please_.” Liam thinks he might be crying again but he can’t tell. His ears feel clogged, sort of; in mono, the breath of another the only thing that manages to get through.

“Liam.” Noel’s voice is soft, almost chiding. “I’m not gonna… fuck.” Liam whimpers and rubs himself back against his brother, getting him even harder, feeling even more wetness against his skin. “God, you’re such a fucking mess.”

“Fuckin’ _fix_ me, then.” _Make me right. Make me sane. Make me whole._

“Just- God. Let me get the lube.” He makes to get up but Liam’s arm flies back, holding him there.

“Stay, stay, stay, please, Noel, don’ go…” So afraid. Shaking.

“ _Kid_.”

“ _Want_ you.”

“No.” Noel bites into Liam’s shoulder, hard, then presses his tongue flat to the fresh bruise. “You _need_ me.”

He spreads him open, still sideways, and pushes in slower than they’ve done it in goddamn months, even slower than the night before. The only thing easing the way is the cum he left inside earlier that they’d never bothered to clean up. Liam knows Noel loves fucking him like that, his hole leaking and claimed, _his_ and his only. Primal. But it’s really not enough right now. It burns more than it should but Noel doesn’t stop, and Liam doesn’t tell him to stop, doesn’t even want him to, because _this_ hurt is better than any other kind.

They don’t speak. Liam gasps and groans and Noel sucks more lovebites onto his brother’s pale shoulders and the side of his neck. He grips Liam’s skinny hip with his left hand and winds his right arm up past Liam’s armpit and back up to his shoulder, in the front, holding him tight against his body; their skin smacks against each others’ in the silent, dark room and sometimes, his big brother slides in and just holds himself there, throbbing against that spot, while Liam leaks salty wetness out his eyes and his cock.

Noel bites down on his shoulder, rubs his coarse fingertips teasingly through the fluid collecting at the top of Liam’s cock, against the hair on his stomach, thrusting inside off-rhythm and when he eases his teeth out of the skin, he licks up blood. His own. _Their_ own. Something they can never stop sharing. Liam moans long and drawn-out, biting down on the knuckles of his index finger, and comes, convulsing through the tears, feeling pathetic and blissful and bittersweet and completely boneless.

He lets Noel fuck him roughly for three more minutes, even though it’s almost too painful to bear, till the older brother pulls out so only his tip is stretching Liam open and comes just like that, pulsing along with his heartbeat, letting his release spill out around him. _Messy,_ Liam thinks, and inside his head, Noel responds _Just like you._

God, but he’s aching. He’s glad Noel fucked the exhaustion back into him and hopes he can fall right back asleep, because it feels like he’ll be limping tomorrow. He probably will. And he knows Noel loves him, but he also knows that he doesn’t fucking care. That he gets off on hurting his baby brother.

(The worst part is that he himself doesn’t care. He wants to hurt. To _burn_ , if that’s the only way they can be together like this.)

Noel touches him with his middle finger after he pulls out, rubbing his own cum around the swollen rim as if it’s medicine, as if it’ll ease the pain at all. It doesn’t. Liam wishes it did.

“Stop it,” he whispers.

“Hurts?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.” Noel pulls his hand away, wipes his finger against Liam’s belly button, smears the singer’s cum around his stomach. He feels quite satisfied but also five times as filthy as he did a few hours ago, bred by his own fucking brother, two loads of Noel’s cum deep inside his body and dripping out sideways down his arse, his own all over his lower stomach and his side and drying in his pubic hair, collapsed in a puddle of sweat and sin. He wonders when they got this depraved. Maybe it’s always been that way, since the first time he dreamed about incest, about his favorite brother, about all the seven deadly sins and everything God wouldn’t want them to do. Maybe he just never noticed until now.

“Go to sleep.”

This time, Liam’s body gladly obeys. Noel tightens his arm around his midsection and he slips away into another universe.

He doesn’t dream of incest. He dreams of himself and Noel, drowning together deep in the San Francisco Bay, water filling their mouths and bursting from their ears, till their bodies are bloated and decomposing.

He dreams of resting on the ocean floor, clean of all their filth, because they are nothing but skeletons, and down here, it’s too dark for anyone to see just who and what they are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter would be absolutely nothing without:
> 
> 1\. maggie mouzakitis, for her recollection of these events in the documentary (and of course for putting up with them for so many years)  
> 2\. melissa lin, the woman who noel stayed with during his time away, for listening to the cunt complain about a lot of things (probably mostly liam)  
> 3\. tim abbot, for flying from london to LA to san francisco to find noel - then to vegas, where he helped convince him to come back - THEN to austin where the band was reunited (i despise flying so the guy is a champ even solely for the amount of planes he had to be on in the span of a week)  
> 4\. paolo fucking hewitt, for writing the most invaluable single source for early oasis info. three things in this chapter are taken almost directly from _getting high_ : "Noel came down and straight away it's all love and kisses, and Liam, more than anyone, is like, 'Come here brother.'" (tim abbot); "Liam was going out of his mind, absolutely. He was sitting and staring at the wall. He just could not contemplate Oasis not being together. It really showed me how together they are." (marcus russell); "I'd go out and phone the band and Liam would be saying, 'I'm not bothered about anything as long as he's all right.'" (tim abbot)  
> (in the last week and a half i've brought this damn book between three cities and opened and shut it about 75 times while referencing for this chapter, and the spine is quite literally falling off now lol)


	7. back teeth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i'm trying to do a better job of actually finishing what i start! luckily this chapter came pretty quickly once i started writing it. i actually finished it 3 weeks ago and was gonna wait to post it till i finished up one of two standalone stories i'm also working on, but they're taking ages so here this one is instead!
> 
>  **important note** there is a point in the chapter that says "[1]" with a link (semi-nsfw?) that i highly recommend clicking at that point bc it should help visualize the scene a lot better :^)
> 
>  **ch. viii:** crossdressing; slight feminization; pregnancy kink (wow i never intended for this story to get quite so kinky but oohhhh welllll ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯)

_Creation Records has announced that despite rumours, Oasis aren’t splitting. Noel and Liam Gallagher were at a secret location ‘spending time together and getting over jetlag’. The brothers have phoned their mum Peggy to assure her that Oasis were not about to split. ‘They phoned me at home to say they are both well and the band is not splitting up. They didn’t tell me where they were but they are both very happy. It was as though nothing was wrong.’_

_Astonishingly, they have been left alone. No one could find out where they went; after disembarking from their separate flights, Noel and Liam left London for a secret location where they met up and were still together as we went to press. Guigsy, Bonehead and Alan travelled to different destinations … Johnny Hopkins said: 'Noel and Liam got together to hang out. They're on good terms-yeah, totally. They're mad for it. Of course they're friends. They're staying together and getting over the jetlag, just chatting away.'  
            – Melody Maker, September 1996_

_‘Me and our kid went to a country house. The pair of us stayed there and got pissed. Me and him weren’t arguing.’  
            – Liam Gallagher_

•••

A black car pulls up outside the house, headlights shining into Noel's eyes. Finally. He'd been waiting an hour and a half, now.

Liam practically falls out of the back door of the car. "Noel, what the  _fuck?_ " He makes to run at Noel, but Terry holds him back. "You fuckin' dick-"

"Oh, calm down, we got all night to argue." 

Kevin had dropped Noel off there, first - at Noel's request - with two bags of groceries, and three of booze. Then headed back to Gatwick to scoop up Liam, much to the younger man's surprise and outrage.

(He'd angrily tell his brother later he'd thought he was being taken to be killed. Noel finds it a bit funny. Liam doesn't.)

"Let me go, gonna fuckin' throttle the cunt."

Liam stalks up the driveway towards the front door, face stony, not fucking around. But at least he's not sprinting at him.

Behind him, Terry gets back in the car. Kevin waves at Noel out the window, as the younger brother squares up to him, glaring daggers.

"Y'wanna wait till they're gone to get all up-close 'n personal, darling?" Noel's voice drips condescension; but Liam's proximity makes him a bit dizzy nonetheless.

"...I want a fuckin' line, and a pint, 's what I want."

"How about four?"

The car pulls away; Noel grips Liam's hand, clammy and shaking, and drags him inside.

•••

After more than four beers and more than four lines and more gin than he should have offered, things are better. They'd talked for hours. Don't normally do that - no matter how much Liam wants to - but Noel knows if they don't, things will only get worse, and no matter how many times he says he wants to leave the band, he doesn't want that, really doesn't. Not just because of Liam; Oasis is Noel's life and he wouldn't know what to do without it there to occupy him. Sure, he's got millions, now, really  _could_  just put his feet up and let the royalties roll in. But he won't. He's still writing, and soon enough, Noel knows he'll get that itch and want to get in the studio again.

But they both agree that the break in touring will be a much-needed relief. Maybe a whole year, if it takes that long.  _I'm tired_ , Noel sighs,  _and I know_  you're  _tired. Let's not push it._

 _I love you_ , Liam says. He stubs out his cigarette and fists his hand in Noel's shirt and kisses him for the first time in weeks.

•••

"Let's do it outside."

"You're mental."

"There's nobody here t' see us, Noel. C'mon. Why not?"

"S'fuckin' freezin' out, kid."

Liam grins. "I can warm you up."

"No."

Noel pushes Liam down flat on the cushy leather couch and drags down his trousers, instead.

He sucks Liam off teasingly, not letting him fuck his face despite how bad his brother wants to, but still takes his dick down all the way.

When Liam comes, he bucks his hips up, forcing himself to the back of Noel's throat with no warning; the guitarist gags and Liam moans while some of his release drips out of his brother's spluttering mouth and down the base of his cock. "Fuck, Noel, y'look fuckin' gorgeous like tha-"

Fuming, Noel lunges up abruptly, gripping Liam's jaw and forcing his smirking mouth open wide. He spits the rest of the singer's warm cum inside, making him cough, then sits up, wiping his own mouth with the back of his hand.

"Swallow it, you stupid little bitch."

Liam swallows.

Noel softens, then, running his thumb lightly over Liam's lips, leaning forward to kiss him. "Good boy."

He takes Liam on his back on the coffee table, leaving streaks on it, using copious amounts of lube to ease the way, as Liam's body isn't quite accustomed to having a dick inside him again. The younger man moans like a whore the whole time and spreads his legs as wide as he can, knees up high, toes flexing. 

"God, Noel, missed you so much..."

"Really? Thought you wanted to be with your fuckin' fiancée."

"Don't fuckin' do this… you're such a cunt," he pants, Noel still thrusting inside, even harder now.

"I'm- just… you're-  _fuck_ , you’re so fuckin’ tight for me, kid… But I gotta know who you belong to."

"Noel…" He closes his eyes tight, leaning his head back. "Please-"

"Tell me. Or you're sleepin' on the fucking couch, I swear."

Liam just groans, shaking all over.

"Tell me who you  _belong_  to, Liam." Noel fucks into him hard enough to hurt. And Liam just gives in.

"You, fuck, fuckin'  _you_ _!_ "

He comes again, all over his stomach; Noel pulls out, strokes himself for a few seconds, and does the same, mixing it all together. One body. No exceptions.

•••

Noel doesn’t realize Liam’s leaning in the doorway until the younger man shifts a bit too loudly. _Maybe on purpose._

“Somethin’ you need?” He doesn’t have to look at Liam to picture him in his mind.

“That a new song?”

“Well, obviously. You haven’t heard it before, have you?”

“S’about me, isn’t it.” Noel turns around then, guitar still in hand, and Liam’s frowning. “’It’s a crime’…”

He wants to say _no, not everything’s about you, you narcissist_. But he doesn’t, because Liam’s right, and he knows it.

(Knows how many of Noel’s songs are about him, always will, no matter what his brother tells him.)

Besides, that’s not even the lyric. “No, you idiot, it’s _no_ crime.”

“What?”

“That’s the lyric. _It’s no crime_.”

“…oh.”

“Liam.”

“S’late, Noel, let’s go to bed, c’mon.”

“Gimme a minute, gotta finish this...”

Liam strides over, taking the guitar out of his hands and putting it aside. “No.” He sits in Noel’s lap, like he’s five years old, and stares into his eyes, pleading. So fucking fragile.

(Later, Noel will decide that _it’s a crime_ is actually a much better line. But he’ll leave the _no_ in there the first time, still, maybe in some twisted hope that’ll make it come true.)

•••

In the morning, Liam makes scrambled eggs and toast, serving it up to Noel at the table before taking his own seat. It suddenly strikes Noel that they’re playing house.

He hasn’t lived with Liam since they were both practically kids, since before the band; before he’d ever felt Liam’s tongue against his own. It’s different now, though, different out here. It makes Noel feel uneasy and kind of terrified, but it also feels…  _right._ Like he could just choose to never go back to his home, to the bed where he sleeps with Meg – or Liam to Patsy, their new house, the one he’d moved into just weeks ago, when he left Noel behind.

But of course, it can never be real. They can never sustain this sense of contentment for very long, not when they live their lives in plain view of the whole world. Never hidden away like they somehow are right now. So maybe he’ll just give in. Let the fantasy live, just for the next few days; pretend it’s all real and that it’s going to last forever. He knows he’ll never have the chance again.

Noel jumps a bit when Liam’s cold bare foot brushes against his own under the table. His brother laughs, low and sweet, biting into buttered toast; their eyes don’t leave each other for a second, and Noel feels calmer than he has in two and a half years.

•••

“Yeah, I will, Mam. Love you too. Yeah, I’ll tell ‘im. Bye.” Noel stares at his brother as Liam hangs up the phone. “Mam says t’ tell you she loves you.”

“How is it so easy for you?” He halfway regrets it the second it’s out of his mouth.

Liam’s brow furrows. “What?”

“That, you– when we’re, y’know… how can you lie to her like that?” It’s half-past noon; the task of phoning their mother had fallen to Liam ten minutes earlier, when the older man had found himself sick at the mere thought of conversing with her whilst lying in bed with her youngest son. Unclothed, he might add.

“S’not lying. Everything I told her was true, weren’t it? We’re here, we’re alright, we’re happy, right-”

Sighing, Noel shakes his head. Now is not the time to argue.  _But will he ever understand._

“Y’know what, let’s just get some rest, yeah? Would do us both some good.” He burrows back underneath the messy sheets, tugging Liam’s hand to bring him down with him.

Immediately, the younger brother’s lips are at Noel’s ear, warm breath making him shiver. “You smell nice, y’know.”

“Let me fuckin’ sleep.” He turns his head into the pillow. “You’re not getting it again right now.”

“Mm… I know. Jus’ remindin’ you.”

Noel smiles despite his attempts to seem stern. He holds Liam closer to himself, then, and starts to slip into sleep.

“But we  _will_  do later, yeah?”

He feels those lips smiling against him and decides to ignore the comment. After all, they both know the answer already.

•••

Noel hates the beard. He really does. Because when Liam is clean-shaven, not a hint of stubble, when he goes down on Noel the older brother can close his eyes and almost, _almost_ pretend it’s a girl’s mouth on him.

He wonders sometimes how it’d be if Liam was a girl, if he was his sister instead. He’d still be so pretty. Would still suck cock like it was the only thing he cared about; would still spend ages thinking about his clothes and shoes, his hair. Probably’d be fucking both girls and lads, either way. And grown men would still stare at him in the streets and in pubs, so Noel would still be clenching his fists, ready to knock their teeth out for _daring_ to desire what’s his.

Most girls don’t act like Liam. Or the world’s told them they’re not supposed to. But Noel thinks that probably, nothing could stop the fire that burns inside his younger sibling, not even a reality where everything is opposite to what they know.

(If Liam was a woman, it would be better, because Noel wouldn’t have to waste any energy trying so hard not to be a fucking queer.)

But he’d also have to wear a condom, then. So maybe it’s all for the better just the way it is.

•••

Liam surprises him later that afternoon when he strides downstairs from the bedroom, fresh from a shower, and holds out both of his hands, closed, facing down.

“Pick one.”

Noel looks up from his magazine. “What’s this?”

“C’mon, pick one.”

He makes a show of thinking deeply while Liam practically vibrates with impatient energy. “Hmm… which to choose…”

“ _Noel._ ”

“Oh, alright. Uh… this one.” He taps a finger over Liam’s left hand.

The kid flips his fist over and opens it to reveal a little yellow pill, stamped with a tiny crown. He pulls Noel’s hand up and open, dropping it into his palm, before opening his other hand to reveal another pill, this one white with a little star on it.

“Where the fuck’d you get these from?” Noel looks back up and can’t help but smile at his brother, his hair shiny and not quite dry, grinning just the way he did when he was a child and gave Noel little presents all the time, rocks and flowers and bottle caps.

“New York.”

“Figures… well. It’s only three in the afternoon, kid. Can’t we wait till later?”

Liam shakes his head emphatically. “Nope.” He sticks his tongue out, placing the pill on the end of it before closing his mouth and chewing it up.

(He’d learnt that from Noel; the first time he took it, he’d swallowed it, and Noel told him it hits faster and peaks harder if you chew it up. Now it’s the only way he does it.)

 _Oh, well._ Noel sighs internally.  _He’ll only drive me crazy if I let him roll alone._ So it’s down with his pill as well.

The buzz hits them both within a minute. Worth it to chew. Liam beams and his eyes sparkle and he leans down, taking both of Noel’s hands in his own, bringing his head down and turning it in towards his brother’s ear.

“Let’s go upstairs,” he whispers.

Noel lets himself get pulled up, then led up the cool wood of the staircase, a hand still connecting the two of them as he trails behind.

Afternoon sun shines through the white curtains of the master bedroom.  _Their_ bedroom, Noel thinks. The bed is unmade, some clothes strewn on the floor, and with the E coursing through his system and his brother turning around, loosely holding his face and gazing at him almost shyly, Noel finds that it really does feel like  _home._

“Noel,” Liam breathes out as he rubs his thumbs over the older man’s cheekbones, “Fuck, I love you.” He leans in to kiss him, humming when Noel’s fingers run through his clean and slightly damp hair, softer than it feels on any other day. “I  _love_ you.”

And Noel finds himself not even hesitating as he murmurs against Liam’s lips, “I fuckin’ love you.” He kisses his way across the singer’s cheek and licks the shell of his ear and inhales the fresh scent of his silky hair. “Love you so fucking  _much_.” Liam gasps and gives a quiet little laugh at the tickling sensation of Noel’s lips on his skin, and it makes the older brother glad he’d said it. Usually he can’t make the words leave his mouth. Always wants to. Rarely does. But it’s true. It’s so fucking true, all of the time; even when he hates him he loves him.

There’s no hate here, though. Only sunshine and light and unfiltered love.

“Liam,” Noel says, “Liam,” sliding his hands down cotton-covered shoulders to rub back and forth on his bare arms, “Got somethin’ for you.”

“Wha’s that?”

“Let me- fuck, let me get it…” He can’t bring himself to separate from Liam’s touch, dragging him behind as he leans over his suitcase and rummages around. He has to let go to find what he’s looking for, but Liam clings to his other arm, face rubbing against his shoulder, back and forth and back and forth until Noel turns back around.

“What is it, Noely? Tell me, tell me, what’s-”

“Shhh.” The guitarist holds it behind him with one arm, walking Liam backwards till the kid’s knees hit the edge of the bed, where Noel straddles him. “Was so scared, our kid, so scared to ask you, but I fuckin’- fuck, I need it- just-” He breathes heavily and reveals a black plastic bag from behind his back, “Just go in the bathroom… put this on for me, yeah?”

Liam furrows his brows as he’s given the bag, clearly able to guess what’s inside, eyes wide as he stares up at his brother. “…what?”

“I-” Noel tenses immediately. “Fuck, I just-”

It was a mistake. _Fuck._

“I mean- you, you… you want me to…”

“Look, Liam- shouldn’t ‘ave fuckin’- just. Fuck, give us it back.” He makes to grab for the bag but Liam pulls it out of reach. He still looks concerned, though.

“You think I’m a fuckin’ girl.”

Noel sighs and averts his eyes. “You fuckin’ know I don’t.”

“Then why the fuck d’you want me to do this?”

“Fuckin’ drop it! Give it back, won’t fuckin’ bring it up again, yeah?” Noel’s suddenly so anxious and feels like nothing would be better than curling up in bed by himself. He’s fucked it all right up, now, he thinks.

Liam takes his head in his hands, though, making his brother look him in the eyes. “’m sorry, Noel, I didn’t mean… fuck, you really want me to, don’t you.”

The guitarist can’t get a word out, still so nervous, but Liam smiles.

“You do.”

“Liam…”

“I- I just wanna make you happy.” He chokes the words out and it’s like a punch to the gut for Noel.

“No- fucking- no, don’t-”

“Y’know I love you, I… if it’s what you want…” He gulps, reaching inside to briefly run his fingers against what’s inside, still not looking at it. He smiles, then, and leans up to murmur in Noel’s ear. “Reckon that’ll feel dead nice rubbin’ against our skin, eh?”

“God, Liam… don’t fuck around, either- either do it or _don’t._ Y’gonna do it, or not?”

“Yeah, I will… fuck, Noel.” He smiles so wide and Noel’s heart races. “Lemme up?”

Once Noel stands, Liam stalks towards the bathroom backwards, that crooked grin ever-present on his face; whispers out, “Can’t wait to drive you fuckin’ mad.”

The second Liam shuts the door, Noel’s gritting his teeth, from his quickly building trip, from the brief spell of anxiety, the back and forth mood change, and above all else, from anticipation, running his hands up and down the rough denim of his trousers to keep himself from touching his cock. He’s gradually able to let the fear pass, knows Liam’s come around to the idea. _He’s a kinky little devil, anyway. Knew the fucker would like it, really._ Images fly through Noel’s head, imagining what he’ll see when the door opens again; he knows it’ll be even better than his mind can predict.

It feels like ages he’s in the bathroom, and Noel’s itching, feels too fucking quiet in here. He finds an old radio in the closet and spends a few minutes trying to get the antenna just right, but finally lands on a station playing Neil Young; lays back on the bed, fingers rubbing back and forth across the ivory sheets while the music floats in his ears and swirls around inside his head. There’s no thoughts in there, only the vague buzz that is Liam’s very essence, somehow still palpable even meters away, separated by a door.

He couldn’t tell you how long it’s been once he hears a creak and bolts upright.

“Liam, you were supposed to put it  _on._ ” It seems all he’d done is shave his face. “Why were y’ in there for so long if you were only-”

The words dry up in Noel’s mouth as Liam saunters towards the bed, pulling his shirt over his head, eyes never once breaking contact. And Noel had been half-hard already, but  _fuck,_ he’s fucking leaking through his boxer briefs, now, fucking mesmerized by the sight before him.

It fits Liam fuckin’  _perfectly,_ and the color’s just right, too, contrasting with his skin, tanned from so many luxury vacations, softened in Noel’s eyes by the haze of the E. God. He was right, it’s better than he could have ever imagined, so much better, and he can’t close his mouth at all, might not even be breathing anymore, he thinks.

He’d seen the sheer blue lingerie in a skeevy shop on some forgettable street in a nowhere town called Bristow, Virginia the week before, while the rest of the band (apart from Liam, of course, who was lounging in St. John’s Wood with his feet up) wandered about to kill time before the gig. He wore his shades in, but nobody recognized him anyway; he supposed a sex shop in a town so small wasn’t likely to be crawling with Oasis fans at one in the afternoon, anyway. And besides. If anyone  _did_ notice him, they’d only think he was buying something for his girlfriend.

His first intention wasn’t what it is now. He’d been furious with Liam, left without a singer in a country he didn’t understand. Intended to  _make_ him put it on, even if the younger man didn’t want to. Then take out all his rage on him.  _Humiliate_ him.

When he checked out, the man behind the counter had smiled genuinely as he rang Noel up. “Nice choice. She’s gonna love it.” Noel had nodded slightly and attempted to look as pleasant as he could, before leaving the shop in a hurry, stashing the bag with his things on the tour bus.

It’s so fucking different now – so much  _better_. They’re floating on a fucking cloud, tucked away in a house that belongs to them and them only, and Liam had put it on so gladly, and Noel isn’t going to punish him, fuck, not at all. He’s gonna fucking  _worship_ him.

The full set cost him $59.99. It was worth every last penny. **[[1]](https://img.etsystatic.com/il/0657b4/824731956/il_fullxfull.824731956_h3qp.jpg?version=1)**

Liam makes himself comfortable on Noel’s lap, smiling sweetly at the way his brother’s taking in the view. The little bralette is made of baby-blue nylon, nearly transparent, with ruffles along the inside edges in a V shape down Liam’s chest. There are little white bows where the fabric meets the thin straps, and he can see his brother’s nipples through the barely-there garment, and God fucking  _damn_ it – Liam had – fuck, he’d not only shaved his face, but the little patch of hair on his chest as well.

“Oh,  _Liam._ ” Noel grips the back of Liam’s neck, fingers making circles on the skin, and pulls his head down, rubbing their foreheads together before kissing him, wet and sloppy, all but moaning into the kid’s mouth. “ _Fuck,_ you’re- fuck-”

The singer chuckles and whispers, “Do I look nice?”

“Kid…” Noel pulls back, then, sliding his hands down to rest on Liam’s skinny waist, “You look like a fuckin'  _dream_.” He only lingers there for a second before reaching up, brushing his fingers down the center of his brother’s chest, inhaling at how goddamn smooth the skin is. Then, with a smile on his face, he takes both hands and rubs his thumbs against Liam’s nipples through the fabric.

“Fuck, yes, Noel,” Liam whimpers, bucking his hips and arching his neck a bit. “Fuckin’ love you.”

“Yeah…  _Jesus_ , Liam.” His nipples are hard underneath Noel’s thumbs, now, and he opts to cup the skin in both his palms, squeezing through the bra as if Liam’s really got tits. “Love you like this. So good for me.”

“Feels so fuckin’ nice on my skin… d’you like it?”

“God,” Noel laughs, “Is’at not fuckin’ obvious?” He shifts his hips upward a bit to prove his point, his rapidly hardening cock pressing against Liam’s arse through his baggy shorts.

Noel knows exactly what’s under those shorts; part of him thinks he’s going to come the second he sees it for the first time.

“Gotta get these off you, darling.” He gets the button and zip undone, slowly, kissing Liam languidly while he does, arousal flooding him at the sensation and the taste and the sound of his little brother’s groans, reverberating through his mouth. The radio’s playing the Stones, now, and Noel’s hands urge his brother’s hips upwards, till Liam whines at the broken kiss but ultimately stands, tugging his shorts down his legs. He steps back, face teasing yet bashful, and lets Noel take it all in.

Noel thinks maybe he’s died and gone to Heaven.

“I- I can’t…  _fuck_ …” The words tumble out of his mouth, half-formed, and he’d surely get up off the bed and tangle their bodies together, if only his entire being wasn’t currently short-circuiting.

He’d looked so pretty in the top half, already, but now Noel gets the full view, the whole package, and he can’t help but let out a strangled moan.

The knickers match his bra, same color and fabric, same ruffles around the edges that meet Liam’s thighs, and a tiny white satin bow in the middle of the waistband. He’s hard, too, dick pushing against the knickers –  _his_ knickers – jutting to the left, weeping tip visible, the whole thing tinted soft blue.

Noel could swear he’s never been more turned on in his life. Liam’s a goddamn sight to behold.

He can’t help but reach his hands forward, desperately, calling him back to his lap. “C’mere.” Normally, Noel would have growled the word, but the chemicals rolling through his system make that impossible, make him sound gentle and sweet instead. “Please, Liam,  _fuck_.”

The singer obeys immediately, practically pouncing on Noel, knocking him onto his back on the bed while he wrestles the older man’s shirt over his head, frantically unbuttoning his trousers already. “Need you, please, Noel,” he rasps, “Need you so  _bad_.” He lifts up a bit, knees on either side of Noel’s hips while he tugs his brother’s jeans and briefs away before straddling him again.

Noel’s mouth is emitting things he might normally call words, but they don’t quite make it to that point, now, and he can’t hear himself, anyway. The music filters in vaguely, but the sight and sound and taste and smell and above all else the  _feel_ of Liam overtakes everything, flooding him like another hit of E, and that’s what it all comes down to, really – Liam is  _ecstasy_ , completely undiluted.

He’s grinding back and forth like a pornstar, slotting his brother’s dick against his barely-covered arse, then suddenly he’s lying flat on top of him to rut their cocks together, getting his underwear all sticky with both of their arousal.

It’s enough. Noel can’t wait another second.

He reaches his arms up, regrettably leaving their comfortable hold around the kid’s shoulders, to fumble behind him for the lube left on the bedside table. Thankfully it’s within grabbing distance, and once he’s got it in his hands, he takes Liam firmly by the hips, maneuvering him to his hands and knees and stroking his thumbs back and forth over his brother’s lower back, gripping his waist. Rubbing his thumb down over Liam’s hole through the sheer blue, he can’t help but sigh, feeling it pucker while Liam hums and pushes his hips into the touch. It’s time.

“Liam. Baby... fuck, pull those knickers to the side for me.”

Liam moans softly and does as he’s told, no backtalk, holding himself up on the bed with his left arm, elbow bent, while the right reaches back, pulling the fabric to the side and holding it there. Noel breathes in sharply at the sight and his stomach flips. He edges his hand down, guiding Liam’s fingers so the singer’s pulling himself open a bit.

“That’s it… so fuckin’ gorgeous.” He can see Liam’s hole, still a little loose after being fucked open rough last night. Noel can practically taste how eager for it he is.

“Noel, c’ _mon_.”

“Be a good boy, jus’ hold on a second.” He fumbles open the cap of the lube, almost pouring it onto his fingers before abruptly deciding against it. Instead, he takes the bottle, holding it above Liam, and drizzles some of the clear liquid right down his cleft, catching any that falls with his other hand. Liam emits a shocked little  _oh!_ at the sensation, arching his back to push his hips up and closer to Noel.

“Fuck, that’s perfect. Stay just like that.” After making sure the fingers of his left hand are sufficiently slick, Noel bats Liam’s hand away, holding him open so his brother can rest his right arm back on the bed, and works three fingers inside him all at once.

“ _Noel,_ fu- _uuuck_ ,” Liam groans out, voice raspy and low, wet hole clenching at the intrusion. Noel strokes his right thumb over the elastic where his knickers dig into the skin of his arse, pulling him open even further, then dragging Liam’s hips back, pulling him closer and forcing his fingers even deeper inside so they hit Liam’s spot, making him moan. The sight is so erotic it makes Noel dizzy – his baby brother, the fucking singer in his goddamn band, his best friend and his bitter rival; his favorite dream and his worst nightmare, stretched open wide around his fingers, wearing fucking skimpy lingerie for him.  _Only_ for him.

“Don’t think I can wait a fuckin’ second longer, angel… fuckin’ need to be inside you.”

“Yeah, fuckin’  _do_ it, shit…”

Noel removes his fingers, staring appreciatively at the way Liam closes back up; then, keeping him held open with his right hand, he grips his own dripping cock and slowly pushes it inside.

His head spins. Liam’s body feels so fucking  _good._  So warm. He’s still arching perfectly, waiting patiently even though Noel can see his fingers twitching from the want to just push himself back and take it all at once.

“That’s it,” Noel breathes out as he sheathes his cock fully inside, “Fuck, Liam… how’s that feel.” The boy moans, dropping his head between his shoulders as Noel throbs against his prostate.

“Oh,  _Noel…_  s’perfect… so nice.”

“How d’you want it?”

“Any- anything, please, everything-”

Noel leans down, kissing Liam’s shoulder and stroking his hair before whispering in his ear, “I know, I know… but just tell me what you need. What you need right now, s’all about  _you_  right now-”

Liam sounds whiny as he chokes out “NoelIloveyou” quickly, before turning his head to meet their lips. “Wan’ you to fuck me. Hard. Don’ be gentle… ‘n- ‘n talk to me, tell me sweet things.” He traces Noel’s lips with his tongue, giving them both bursts of sensation from the drug. “C’mon, make me feel good… make me your- fuck, jus’ make me your  _lover_ , Noel.”

They only separate from the desperate kiss so Noel can get a better leverage, a better grip on his brother, so he can start  _really_  fucking him. He keeps his upper body close, though, moving the tip of his nose against the soft skin, kissing it where it meets the clasp of the bra; licking lightly over the two birthmarks against his upper spine, up to the one behind his right shoulderblade, even dragging his tongue blindly over the curve of Liam’s shoulder to try and reach the one he knows rests above his collarbone.

(Some would call them freckles; Noel thinks  _beauty marks_  fits best, maybe. Little dots against the fucking canvas of beauty that is Liam.)

“Harder,  _please,_ feels so good… fuck me harder…”

And Noel can’t turn  _that_ down, can he. He straightens back up, sliding his hands down Liam’s torso, resting again on his hips and rubbing circles around the dimples of his lower back, the perfect size for his thumbs; then pulls out and thrusts back in as hard as he can, over and over, rocking them both back and forth; making Liam groan till his voice is husky, panting and fisting at the bedsheets.

“Yeah, you like that? You like it?”

“ _Yes,_ fuckin’  _love_ it, don’t stop…”

With every stroke, Noel’s cock brushes against the ruffle of the shoved-aside knickers which have inched back inwards with the heavy thrusts. It’s just enough extra sensation to make him yearn for it, to come already, but it’d be such a shame to end it all so soon. Noel forces himself to halt the rough movement of his hips, still halfway inside Liam.

“Cunt, what’re you doin’? Said don’ stop.” Liam’s whiny and high and looks so sweet as he cranes his neck around to look back at his brother.

“Hush, you little brat… y’wanna push yourself back onto me?”

Liam hides his eyes against his forearm. “Noelll…”

“C’mon, love. Fuck yourself back on my cock.” Noel barely gets the words out, arousal trying its best to strangle him and cut off all oxygen flow to his brain. Peak must be kicking in.

Noel relaxes his grip a bit, still massaging those perfect little dimples over Liam’s knickers, and feels his brother slowly push back against him, then away, then back again, trying to get Noel’s dick inside him as far as it can go.

“Oh, baby, that’s so good,” Noel breathes out, “Keep goin’.”

Once the singer’s got a real rhythm going, taking him in so fucking eagerly, Noel drops his gaze down from the curve of his arse, spreading him open wide, making Liam give a little huff.

Letting himself greedily admire the sight before him, Noel decides then that he’s the fucking luckiest man on earth. Just looking at Liam’s tight hole, held open by his brother’s cock, makes his mouth fucking water and stiffens him even more than he already was; it grips him, hot and wet, getting pulled out a bit every time Liam pulls away, and Noel rubs a thumb over it, massaging the rim and cursing to himself. “Jesus, kid. Look at that little hole, takin’ me in so perfect.”

“Noel, fuck. Feels so good.”

“I know, angel… God, fuckin’ love the way you stretch out for me…”

Liam moans, thrusting his hips back furiously, always wanting more, needing more. Noel moves his hands down and around, pressing against Liam’s stomach and slowing him a bit.

“Hey, hey, slow down. No need to rush.”

“Jus’ need to feel you, all of you…”

Noel gulps and a sudden image flashes through his mind out of nowhere, nearly making him drool. He’s almost afraid to say it, afraid Liam will think he’s disgusting. But if he doesn’t say it now, surely he’ll never have the chance again. And just like with the lingerie, he decides  _fuck it,_ and spits it out.

“Fuck, Liam… I wanna get you fuckin’  _pregnant_.”

His brother whimpers, shoving his hips back again as hard as he can. It’s a good enough answer for Noel to continue,  _needing_ to get it all out, spill his fantasies as if they could ever become real.

“Wanna fill you up so good, fill you up with all my fuckin’ cum…”

“Please…”

“Y’want it? Want me to knock you up?”

Liam sighs and stretches his arms out, hiding his face in the sheets shyly, only turning it to the side to mutter quietly, “Noel?”

“What is it?” Noel keeps his hands on Liam’s stomach but holds him there, not letting him move, so afraid he’s done something wrong.

“’s it bad if- if I… if I  _like_ that?”

Sometimes, Noel has to admit, he forgets how sweet and fragile Liam is. His younger brother spends so much time boasting and shouting and starting fights and shagging groupies that it’s easy to ignore how gentle he can be, how compassionate. How needy; how young and inexperienced and insecure he really is.

“No, no, kid, ‘course it’s not bad… ‘course not. But ‘f you don’t want it, I can- we’ll st-”

“ _No,_ ” Liam whispers, “No,  _want_ it, dunno why, Noel, but please, fuck, fuckin’- keep goin’, love you, want you to fill me up…”

“Liam… don’t do it just ‘cos  _I_  want it.”

(No matter how much he says he wants it, wants  _anything_ they do when they’re alone, some part of Noel will always, always worry that he’d pushed it on him somehow. Infected him. That he’s ruined Liam inside – just as he himself is ruined – in a way that’ll never be fixed.)

Liam seems to gain back a bit of his confidence, raising his head a bit to spit, “Oh, no, I  _want_ it.” He softens his voice again, just slightly. “But you gotta do somethin’…”

 _Anything,_ Noel thinks. “What d’you want?”

“’m not havin’ your baby unless you marry me first.” He pants heavily and turns his head to meet their eyes. “Ain’t it a sin otherwise?” Two bright blue crystals gleam out of his head, his mouth quirked in a smirk so infuriating that Noel would normally punch it away. But not here.

“Liam…”

“Come  _on_ … marry me, Noel?”

Noel feels guilty for even hesitating, tries to get his head back on track, get back into it. Accept that Liam  _knows_ what he wants, is old enough to think for his goddamn self – and clever enough to ask for even more.

But it’s still hard to think about.

“’ave they made that legal, now?”

“Fucker, nothin’s illegal here.” Here in this house.  _Their_ house. Might as well be another world.

He wants to reason. Doesn’t know why. Maybe the E’s waning too much. He wants to say,  _Liam, you’re already engaged, remember? Fuckin’ swore you belonged to me then went and put a ring on that bitch_ , but he doesn’t. He waits. Breathes. Feels another wave of ecstasy roll over him, then leans forward and kisses Liam lightly on his waiting lips.

“Alright. We’re married, then.”

Liam beams. “Don’t even have to change our last names!”

Noel laughs despite himself. “God. The things you fuckin’ say.”

“Now c’mon, it’s our fuckin’ honeymoon. You gonna keep makin’ love to me or not?”

“Yeah,” Noel murmurs, “But not like this. Can’t fuck my wife on ‘er hands and knees, can I?”

He rolls the younger man over, met by a glint of annoyance on his face. “ _Husband._ ‘m not your fuckin’ wife.”

He’s right. He’s  _not_ his wife. His jutting Adam’s apple and the pitch of his voice and the big feet resting on either side of him and the trail of dark hair disappearing into his pretty knickers won’t let Noel forget. Not to mention the aching dick he hasn’t even laid a finger on yet.

“Yeah,” Noel breathes again, can’t make himself say the word out loud, but hopes Liam can feel that he agrees. “I know.”

“Good.” He grins. “Lemme ride you.”

Liam gets up, pushes Noel back till he’s sitting up against the headboard, pillows behind him, and climbs into his lap. Kisses him sweetly, then, running fingers through his hair and grinding their cocks together through only one thin layer.

“Happy anniversary,” Liam whispers against his mouth.

“Idiot,” Noel says, “It’s not an  _anniversary_ ‘f you just got-”

He gets shushed with a rough bite to his lower lip. “Shut the fuck up.” Liam reaches down, pulling his underwear to the side, and sinks down onto his brother’s cock, taking the whole thing right away.

In the background, Bowie sings of torn dresses and face-messes and Noel laughs.

“What you laughin’ about?”

“Nothin’… shit, kid. You’re so- fuck, d’you know how fuckin’  _beautiful_ you are?” Noel slides his hands up Liam’s body, cupping his chest, squeezing his nipples through the fabric till they’re hard and Liam is arching his back in pleasure. “So goddamn beautiful. Fuckin’ perfect.”

“Mmm, Noel…” Liam reaches down to rub over his own stomach. “C’mon, gotta fill me up.” He’s working his hips up and down as fast as he possibly can, breathing heavy with the effort.

Noel’s sure he’ll come soon enough, but not just yet. He pulls down the right side of Liam’s bra and licks over the hard little nub before taking it in his mouth, sucking not just his nipple, but the skin around it, harder than he’s ever done before.

“ _Oh!_ ” Liam moans, shocked, and instinctively nudges his chest forward, further into Noel’s mouth.

After a half-minute or so, Noel pulls away to speak, still kissing and licking intermittently. “Yeah… wanna see your nipples all nice ‘n swollen.” Liam whines and throws his head back. “Drippin’ for me.” The guitarist moves on to the left side of his chest, sucking just the same while squeezing the other between his thumb and forefinger, Liam clenching helplessly around his cock as he does.

(He’d shaved the center of his chest, where his hair grows darkest, but not the rest; Noel feels the soft, sparse hairs under his fingertips and feels yet another surge of arousal, breaking through that part of him that always wants to forget that he’s fucking a man.)

“Yes, Noel, yes, fuck…” Liam grinds back and forth, side to side, not caring how rough it is, only trying to get as much feeling from Noel’s skin as he can. He exhales little puffs of air every time his spot gets hit. “’m close, so fuckin’ close. Gonna come on your cock.”

By now, Liam’s nipples are red and puffy, the bruised skin around them giving the illusion that they’re bigger than they are. Noel pulls back, mouth dripping, to admire his work. “God, look at your little tits.” He pulls the bra back into place, rubbing his fingertips over one side of Liam’s chest, making him hiss at the overstimulation. “Can you see ‘em?”

Liam tucks his chin down, glancing at his own chest and groaning at what he sees. “Fuck-  _fuck_. Yeah, can see ‘em…” He starts bouncing up and down again, like it’s the only thing he’s ever done – the only thing he ever _will_ do.

“You like ‘em like that? Fuckin’ wet and swollen?”

“Yeah, yeah, fuckin’… God, Noel, so fuckin’  _close_ , please, you fuckin’ cunt…”

“Shhh.” Noel kisses him softly, finally,  _finally_ reaching down and pulling Liam’s pulsing cock out of his little knickers. “You gonna come for me, pretty boy?”

“Yes, yes, yes…” It only takes a few quick strokes, and Liam is coming, still riding Noel furiously, spurting all over the older man’s chest, dripping down his fist and onto the lingerie. He sighs shakily and tries to keep moving his hips but sags forward tiredly onto Noel, breathing heavily, “I’m not- I can’t- just, keep goin’, I’m-”

“Hey, s’alright, I got you…” Noel pulls his hand away from Liam’s softening cock, gripping him by his hips, his body feeling so soft and pliant in its post-orgasmic state. The kid’s cum gets smeared all over his right side as Noel lifts him up a bit, moving his own hips as best he can. “Gonna fill you up, all the way, you ready?”

“Yeah, Noel…”

“You wanna have my baby?”

“Yeah…” He sounds so sleepy and far away. His limbs wrap around Noel’s body, lips working sloppily on his older brother’s neck; hole still throbbing and clenching a bit, but so fucking loose. Fucked open and _used_. “Put it in me, c’mon.”

Moving his right hand to press against Liam’s slim stomach, Noel groans and speaks into his brother’s hair, “You feel so fuckin’ good, Liam, m’gonna come…  _fuck-_ ”

Noel can’t hold back the long, low moan that rips its way out of his throat as he slams his hips up one final time, flooding Liam with his cum. He squeezes his fingers into the skin of his belly a bit, as if he could feel it all going inside. The singer whines and bites down on Noel’s neck, whispering  _mm, yes, yes,_ his tired hips twitching a bit. Once he’s spent, Noel slumps against the pillows, only taking a few seconds to rest before sitting back up, wrapping his arms around Liam’s sweaty back and easing him backwards to lay on the bed.

“M’gonna pull out, but you gotta keep it inside, alright?”

“Mm?”

He smiles, looking down at his little brother, so fucked-out and beautiful; eyes hooded, with his limbs spread out from his body. “You look like a little butterfly.”

“Noel…” Liam nearly blushes. “C’mon, lay down with me… jus’ pull out…”

“Gotta keep it all inside, make sure it works.” Noel gulps, hoping it’s still okay to say these things even after they’re done fucking. But Liam seems calm and content in the afterglow, cuddly and demure, and he doesn’t protest when Noel slides a pillow under his hips to keep them sloped downwards, massaging his stomach a bit. “I’m goin’ to the toilet, be back in a minute.” He kisses Liam softly on his slick forehead and wills his aching legs to move him across the room.

“Waterloo Sunset” plays on the radio while Noel tries his best not to collapse on the cool tile floor.

When he comes back out, Liam’s slouching low against the headboard, pillow discarded and a joint in his mouth. His knees are up and apart, showing Noel how his knickers are still pulled to the side; cheeks spread open on the sheets, and his hole all slick and loose and dripping out cum.  _Noel’s_ cum.

The sight’s goddamn gorgeous, but Noel still feigns annoyance, trying to stay inside his fantasy if only for a few more moments. “Thought I told you to stay like you were? ‘ow the fuck you think it’s gonna take if it’s all leakin’ out of you, huh?”

Liam stares Noel down across the room. He takes a long pull off his joint, blowing out rings of smoke; the strap of the bra slips down his arm, showing off a bright pink, kiss-bitten nipple. With his other hand, he reaches down, picking up some of the cum pooling out of him onto the sheets, and it takes a fucking lot of effort for Noel to keep his jaw from dropping when Liam brings his fingers up to his mouth, sucking them clean and releasing them with a satisfied  _ahhhh_.

“Well,” he says, smirking at Noel, “Guess we’ll jus’ have t’ keep tryin’, then, yeah?” 

•••

Noel can’t stop thinking about it, even after it’s over. Having a baby with Liam. Not the physical aspect of it, apart from the sex itself – really, he knows he’d be freaked out by the sight of Liam’s stomach all distended; can’t and doesn’t even _want_ to imagine him getting all big, going into _labor_ – but the rest of it. Raising a child with him, here, in their country mansion, maybe even two or three. It’s so far from reality that Noel hates himself for even thinking it.

He thinks maybe he’s really, truly losing his mind.

Drowning.

“I reckon you’ll be a good dad,” Liam says to him later that evening as they lie in bed, sun slowly receding to let in the night. “No, really,” he laughs at the shocked look on his brother’s face, “’cos you’re funny, ‘n smart, but you’d keep ‘em in line, too, y’know what I mean. But not- nothin’,  _nothin’_  like our dad. You’d be… you’d be  _great,_ you would _._ ”

“Liam.”

“What about me? Wha’d’you think?”

“You?”

“If I was a dad.”

He wishes they wouldn’t talk about it anymore. It’s only letting the dream take them over. “You’re too young to be a dad.”

“Noel,” Liam scoffs, rolling his eyes, “I’m almost twenty-four.”

“You’re like a kid yourself, still.”

“Am not!”

Noel smiles despite himself. “Well… maybe that’s good. I think… think you’d know how to play with ‘em, make ‘em happy. Think they’d love you. You’d be the ‘fun’ one.”

His brother grins and kisses him like a whisper. Noel prays he can’t feel his frown.

(One day, Noel knows, he’ll have children. And one day, Liam will, too. They will have different fathers – different mothers; will grow up in different houses, with different rules. Liam won’t serve Noel scrambled eggs and Noel won’t pick up his brother’s clothes off the bedroom floor, and they won’t watch their child run in circles in the sprawling back garden.)

Liam senses his grimace, looks up at him with wide eyes, full of hope. Full of fear. Noel thinks he’s fucked it all up royally. He’s taken it too far, and there’s no going back now. Promised Liam more than he could ever give, dangled it above him like forbidden fruit; but didn’t stop him when the soft, sweet, terrible boy pulled it right down and bit in.

He’d let this thing consume them. 

•••

One month later, Noel tells everyone that he was the one who proposed. But it’s not true. Meg had asked  _him._

_Let’s get married, Noel! S’been long enough._

His answer betrays his true feelings. Hesitation. Then simply,  _sure._ Meg doesn’t notice. They’re both high as kites and his girlfriend- no,  _fiancée-_  beams and kisses him and doesn’t ask why his lips stay closed and his arms at his sides.

They have sex in the dark before going to sleep that night; Noel dreams for what seems like days, of him and Liam in wedding rings, watching the telly in their big country house. His brother’s head on his shoulder. Their fingers intertwined.

(Even fighting – like an old married couple, just like everyone already says they do.)

The next time he sees Liam, he glares at Noel and snarls  _what did you say_  when he learns his older brother’s just gotten engaged.  _Fucking why,_ he hisses, and Noel sees blue flames of envy flickering in his eyes.

_Dunno. Why not. You did it, didn’t you._

Liam clenches and unclenches his fist, spits  _I hate you, you dick, wish you’d’ve fuckin’ stayed in America._ Noel decides then that he’ll marry Meg in Las Vegas, and make it as inexpensive as he can.

(In another world, he marries Liam in Paris, and doesn’t think at all about how much it costs, because no amount of money will ever be enough to give him all that Noel wishes he was allowed to.)

 _Have anything to say for yourself, you fuckin’ bastard?_  Liam’s right in his face, growling like he’s an animal, ready to tear him to pieces.

_I don’t._

(In another world, Noel holds both of Liam’s hands in his own, and says  _I do_ instead.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. if any of this seems OOC... blame it on the ecstasy, not on me :^)
> 
> 2\. noel basically kidnapping liam is a real thing. i have liams quote about it in a scan somewhere but i couldnt find it so i will keep looking and update if i find it!
> 
> 3\. the writing of it's a crime  
>  _“It's taken me eight and a half years to write. We both sing, like The Self-Righteous Brothers. It's a fitting anthem to finish off the record.”_  
>                             – Noel Gallagher, on Let There Be Love (Q Magazine, May 2005)
> 
> let there be love was finished during the later parts of the DBTT recording process, around the end of 2004/beginning of 2005; if it took eight and a half years to write, that would put its origins at near mid-1996. liam left their american tour that year in late august; noel left by early september. obviously I have no clue when he actually started writing the song, but it just matched up too well to leave it out! 
> 
> the [lyrics](http://songmeanings.com/songs/view/3530822107858621126/) (as of 1999ish) to the [demo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=liOQc3yl_V0) are pretty damn transparent and [we all know](http://songmeanings.com/songs/view/3530822107858542652/) [how much they love](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/noelgallagher/ifloveisthelaw.html) [talking about crimes](https://twitter.com/liamgallagher/status/939863821090508801)…
> 
> 4\. lastly, liam does indeed have those adorable back dimples, as evidenced [here](http://c8.alamy.com/comp/JXB99T/liam-gallagher-liam-gallagher-seen-around-his-pool-in-ibiza-pictures-JXB99T.jpg) :))))


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